Um Manaf

My Professor, Formerly Known as the Racist

2010-10-08T13:46:00.002+03:00

Tathkiroon mara geltlikom 3an a professor I had eli kan 7ada racist? Well this semester I'm taking another class with him o honestly I could dedicate an entire blog to him o swalfa!

For example, he talks wayed okay? O his english is terrible el maskeen ma3ana he's supposed to be fluent in it. Anyway apparently there were a lot of complaints about him talking in Arabic during lectures fa he decided to address this issue last week, during his first class of the semester.

Beginning of class:

Hello, my name is Dr. Flan al Flani, some of you may know me...now before we start I must tell you something that is very important. You see this is a high-level course which means we cannot do like before...always talking in arabic...

Ten minutes later:

So you see, what i'm trying to say is we must all try to speak in English. It is for everyone's benefit...

Thirteen minutes later:

...but of course if there is one word maybe you don't know how to say in English then of course we will help you and tell you the word in Arabic...but mostly we must speak english.

Seven more minutes later:

Anyway, I think now you all understand about the requirement for this class. Enzain yalla khal nabdi.. ana awal shay bagool attendance o ba3dain bawareekom el kitab eli lazim tishtiroona, hal kitab wayed zain ana el 9ara7a ka Diktor wayed a7eba..

Mu min sijjaaaaaa...!!
O 6ool el mu7athara ga3ad esolif bel 3araby o el9af kella ma gal one word in english!

On to another topic....ga3adt min elnoom meshtahya CHABDAAAA...

way3 9a7?

kelish mu feminine 9ayra Um Manaf ..

A9lan min kither ma I was craving it re7t 7ag Hubby wihwa nayem o I shook him awake o lama maskeen ga3ad ekhtara3 shwaya (cuz kent lazga wayhi in his face) chan egooli "shfeech shfeech?!"
chan a6al3a ib daloo3a eyes wagooola "aby chabda"
O now, three and a half hours and two home-made cheddar cheese sandwhichs later, baroo7 my favorite ma63am for some chabdaaaa ;p

Religious Conversation at the Lunch Table

2010-10-02T13:29:00.003+03:00

So yesterday, the entire family is gathered at the lunch table enjoying a lovely dish of gaboo6 when the light conversation took a deep and religious turn...one that dear Hubby was not prepared for...it went something like this:

Sister: tadroon ena belail lama tnamoon your soul gets taken up to heaven by Zakhrafees
Aunt: Mnu Zakhrafees?
Mama: she means Hafees
Aunt: Hafees mu sha3er qadeem?
Dad (just joining the conversation): wain eroo7oon our souls?!
Sister: Foog 3ind Zakhrafees o Hafees
Dad: laish?
Sister (trying to be funny): 3ashan yeshriboon gahwa weridoon
Hubby (staring intently at plate, head down): estaghfer Allah, estaghfer Allah...

Tragedy Strikes Um Manaf

2010-09-29T23:13:00.002+03:00

I have betrayed my readers. I have committed the ultimate sin in Blogostianity-aism, I have failed to maintain a steady posting habit. Bes lama t3arfoon why, I'm sure you'll understand...or at least if you decide not to understand, then for the sake of all our lovely memories, politely but firmly hit the X button on the upper right side of your screen and forever more speak no ill of me.

So now, on to my tragedy.

For the past few months I found myself staring at this screen, this dusty, chocolate-stained, screen hopelessly trying to write. But something won't let me; or should I say someone...

Someone who has completely taken over my life, and has brought with it such shocking and tragic news that I found myself paralyzed at the fingers, not knowing what to type..

Bes before I introduce you to that someone lazim agoolikom how I got to meet this someone. It was four months ago, in a bathroom far far away ... (to be exact, the one in my parents house) where the blogger you know as Um Manaf discovered a secret. This secret came in the form of a positive sign on the end of a peeing stick.

But the tragedy isn't that Um Manaf got knocked up but it is that after hours and hours of crying (mostly by my mom after realizing she's officially joining the grandma club) and lots and lots of shopping (again by my mom for anti-wrinkle and aging cream) I sat with dearest hubby to pick names...

And when I suggested Manaf ... the unexpected happened. He .... he .... politely shook his head and said NO!!!!!!!!!

My legacy!

The minutes of my life that I dedicated to this blog...

The semi-attachment I have to the term "Um Manaf"

...all gone? With a simple shake of the head?

Can I be both Um Manaf and Um Soon-to-be-Decided? This is not a question anyone can answer lightly...and so I think it would be wise for me to go have a cupcake while I debate something so philosophical and deep.

ps - I might be a while as there are several other deep questions I must answer...such as vanilla or red velvet ... or possibly both?

Obama Wins the Nobel Peace Prize

2010-02-20T13:01:00.003+03:00

As some of you might know, in 2009 the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to America’s 44^th president Barack Obama. He now joins a long list of the world’s greatest contributors to the humanitarian welfare of our planet. Is this award well deserved you may ask? Let’s see…Martin Luther King Jr. led hundreds of discriminated-against African Americans in marches against abuse resorting only to peaceful singing when they got beaten down… he also cleverly crafted what could be considered the most famous speech in the world (although hardly anyone knows the words past “I have a dream…), and finally got shot in the head for his efforts. Gandhi marched for miles convincing a population of people who considered eating a sacred act only second to reaching Nirvana to starve themselves, eventually driving the British out of his country…and he wasn’t afraid to do it all while wearing a diaper. He too eventually got shot in the head.

While Gandhi didn’t receive a Nobel Peace prize for his efforts, he certainly deserved it much more than Obama. But let’s not judge the President of the Free Nation so quickly, after all he has done his fair share for mankind. For example he prevented the likes of Hilary Clinton and Sarah Palin from entering the white house, thus relieving the entire world of an exaggerating egotistical pathological liar with dictator tendencies and an extremely confused little girl who really didn’t know where she was or what she was doing. Obama also took Oprah along on his presidential campaign finally proving to the world that Oprah really did have more power than the President of the United States. Finally, Obama, in a slightly less memorable speech than King Jr’s, tells the world that he wants ….wait for it….peace in the Middle East.

I too want “peace in the Middle East”. Now where can I pick up my Nobel Peace Prize?

Coffee Republic

2010-02-18T22:33:00.001+03:00

While I am not a fan of the overly “Gaz” hangout Coffee Republic in Free Zone, I found myself accompanying some of my friends there recently. From the moment I walked through the grassy lawn I recognized everyone there. It was as if the entire AUK population signed a secret contract with the coffee shop to serve them and them alone; and I get the immediate sensation that I’m missing my notebook and that I should be rushing to a lecture somewhere but I remind myself that I am not on campus. The first thing I notice when I walk up to the counter to place my order is the six different employees crushed up against each other in the narrow space behind the cash register. I wonder why they need that many workers for such a small space. I only needed to place my order for my question to be answered.

I tell the first worker what I want, a caffe latte with a slice of cheesecake. She turns to the worker next to her as if I’d asked her to list the latest discoveries in the field of quantum physics. To her misfortune the worker next to her was not much brighter than she and required the assistance of the man next to him. I now have half the Coffee Republic team working on my order. Once the difficult task of deciphering my almost-impossible order of milk and coffee with a slice of cheesecake was finally complete the lady behind the cash register informed me of the total of my order. I take out a twenty and place it on the counter then spend the next eight minutes watching the second half of the Coffee Republic team join the first half in figuring out how much change I should receive.

The answer was 17 KD.

Finally with my drink and cheesecake in hand we head to a corner table outside and take a seat. And we stare at those around us while they stare at us. And then some more staring. And finally, just while I think that no more staring could be done…everyone stares some more.

After consuming my rubber-tire tasting cheesecake (and trust me I am insulting rubber-tire when I say this) we get up and head home. But don’t think for one second that we did not stare as we drove off.

Atlantis

2010-02-01T14:59:00.003+03:00

Okay so Rome is out of the picture for now (adry bechait dam bes ma nefa3..) fa shakelna heading to Dubai, awal shay i was depressed bes teshaja3t shwaya yoom sheft e9war elfindiq, i've been to dubai a couple of times bes wela mara sekant ib Atlantis o ebnig3ad bil room eli underwater fa it looks interesting.

So here's what I plan to do while i'm there:

1. Aby arkab hot air balloon!! Aby ashoof shakel el sky when i'm up there, the land down below me from such a high place, o my hubby passed out on the floor of the balloon due to his fear of heights. Wanasa!

2. Basba7 weya dolphins! El9ara7a ma buga a7ad ib hal deera ma7a6 9oorta wihwa posing yam a dolphin wela riding it (insert perverted laughter) wela kissing it fa laish ana maykoon 3indi 9oora ba3ad? Aby a pose with the dolphin jumping up from the water wana holding on to its fin o flying with it....then the fin tears off and the pool turns red with blood. Olla gruesome. (6ala3 Um Manaf has a dark side wana madry).
3. Shopping 6ab3aaaaaaaaaan...wa3alaya 3al zooj 3abala since he's not taking me to Rome he's off the hook with the shopping ...

4. Aby aroo7 show, 7asafa chan zain Axis of Evil mawjoodeen aw 7abeebi Russel Peters! Fe Nickelback concert bes ma atwaqa3 benla7eg...

Yalla suggest things for me to do!

Um Manaf Wants To Get Out of Here....

2010-01-28T12:46:00.002+03:00

Is it just me or is this weather making everybody lazy? All I want to do is lie around and my body is always aching... a7es ini 3ayooz.

Waray 3ers bacher...maly khelg. MALY KHELG! I hate weddings...I almost called in sick for my own wedding.

Chinii....CHINIII baroo7 Roma soon... but it highly depends on whether the hibernating bear I like to call HUBBY manages to wake up.

Aby a9eer more active... (but unfortunately just typing this post is wiping me out...my fingers are so over worked..)

Baroo7 a6ali3 "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" o yemkin ajareb PF Changs bes ygooloon waiting list. Shlona elma63am? Wela bes chithi haba mithel Dean and Delucas o Napket o adopting african babies?

I want to be taller, i'm not short el7imdila 6ooly zain, bes I want two more inches...no three! Shlon???? Lazim fe 7al! Oh, ka3ab..! Bes e3awerni ma7eb...so find me another 7al!

Aby a5ith kick boxing classes with the hubby bes rafith...he says i'm too delicate for such a sport...la 6aal eb 3aini galy "maly khelg roo7ay broo7ich" ... So sad! Does he not know that I'll be using whatever I learn on him and that it would be in his best interest to come with me and learn how to defend himself? No more tears as weapons min elyoom o raye7! Instead I'll side-kick his face!

Um Manaf Buys an Apocalypto

2010-01-20T22:16:00.002+03:00

Scene 1:

Um Manaf tearfully stares at her body in the mirror
*No* she gasps to herself, *it cannot be*...

(Dim lights, sound music)

Um Manaf kicks her legs up in the air in a dance routine and begins running around the room

"Todddaayyy is the begiinnniiiinnnggg of the rest of myyyy lifffeee, a thinner body is where i'll strriiiivveee...a body thats thin tonnneeedd and leeeaaannn...thaats why i need an apocalypto machiinnneeee"

(Lights off, Um Manaf walks off stage)

Scene 2:

(At Go Sport in Avenues)

Um Manaf: Excuse me sir, do you have an apocalypto machine?
Helper: uumm...an elliptical machine?
Um Manaf: is that the one that will make me look good....like Adriana Lima?
Helper: (looks Um Manaf up and down) if you try reallly hard...for long time ma'am...maybe..

Scene 3:

At home, hubby is trying to put machine together. Hubby cuts hand, bleeds, storms out. Um Manaf hugs machine hoping that the sheer nearness of it will start burning her extra calories.

Um Manaf: NO! I WONT GIVE UP!

(and she begins to work! In goes one screw...out it goes again....wrong screw! In goes a new screw...out it goes again...no wait in it goes...oh yes it's the right one...)

Scene 4:

1.5 hours later machine is up and running! Um Manaf steps on it and turns on the screen ZERO CALORIES BURNT it reads. Smiling to herself Um Manaf prepares herself to start working out..

Um Manaf: I WONT SLEEP TIL I'VE BURNT 1000 CALORIES TONIGHT

3.7 minutes later...

Um Manaf wobbles off the machine and into bedroom. Goodnight. *wobble wobble*

Um Manaf Pretends She's Done With Finals

2010-01-18T23:41:00.004+03:00

For one night only...for a few comforting hours...I shall pretend that I, Um Manaf, do not have something called "finals".

Okay el9ara7a who am I kidding its not like I was even studying in the first place. While people's phone statuses were "finals" or "7 days left" ... my status was .. well blank beacuse I was too busy being lazy and roaming the streets of K-Town to bother posting shay.

Who was my lovely accomplice you might ask? Aside from the 3gaidi in the 3gaidier mustang who kept mouthing out his number whilst pouting seductively our way..my lovely friend M.

Now.. while my husband sits in the living room working hard on some mathematical equation that in my opinion looks like it was written in a mixture of Japanese and old cave-men paintings..I sit in my room with Abu Baker on really loudly in order to give the illusion that i am "partying" while he is working.

Yes...I am 7aqeera like that.

La La taboon el9ij abeeh eyey yeg3ad 3indi fa i have to make it seem like i'm in the "fun room" ... i've considered scattering popcorn all the way from the 9ala to the bedroom bes we all know who's going to end up cleaning that :( ..

Enzain yalla baroo7 a6ali3 the new Desperate Housewives episode..I know half of you reading this post are taking a so called "break" from your studying to to all of you i say "HAH...guess who doesn't have finals to worry about?! Um Manaf..that's who!"

ps: a7ad e3aref du3a2 qawii for people who might possibly end up failing this semester?? my uh "friend" could really use it.

Mako Salfa..

2010-01-16T14:40:00.004+03:00

Ma3indi shay to write about.. fa bakharbi6 shwaya

- 3indi wayed work to do for finals o ma sawait shay.
- O maly khelg asawi shay
- Oo wedi a7ad esawee el shighel 3ani
- Or wedi e9eerli khelg to do el shighel
- I've decided its time for Um Manaf to have her battle with perscription-drug addiction. I'm starting with panadol night o this herbal "calming" thing eli ekhaly my left arm go numb...
- It doesn't make me calm tho.. in fact i'm the opposite of calm
- 9ayra a7alim ini ga3d at'hawash weya zoji wagoom im3a9ba o china 9ij met'hawsheen
- 9ayra hal ayam i stay up in bed o have deep meaningful conversations with myself. 3an life...o love...o religion.
- Its so sad ina its with myself
- In fact...after spending so much time with myself la7atht shay
- i'm boring
- Malait min shakh9eeti
- Malait min shakli
- Malait min sha3ry
- Malait min esmii
- Subconciously stressed?
- Split personality disorder?
- I tried going on a shopping spree + dying my hair...it didn't work

Aby at3araf 3ala someone new (not a guy! Don't freak out faj2a alga fwds "um manaf cheats on husband".. laa ya naas manaby hal kharabee6) .. What I mean is a new interesting friend. Someone I can learn stuff from. Fe a7ad minkom interesting enough?

Yalla I'm proposing plan "How Um Manaf Got Her Groove Back..."

Here are the guidelines:

1. Anyone interested in helping me get my groove back email me at um.manaf@gmail.com
2. You must be interesting
3. You must like food, a lot of my conversations revolve around food
4. You must completely and totally worship me, the ground i walk on, and the golden drenched words I speak....even if they are about what flavor ice-cream i'm about to devour first vanilla or strawberry cheesecake
5. You must be able to undo all the mental and emotional damage that I've been through in the past 21.8 years.
6. Okh I just got an idea...et'hagoon vanilla ice cream wya redbull ye6la3 7elo?
7. Yalla baroo7 ajareb 3ala ma you email me...if i don't reply to your emails please call 911 and tell them ina i probably poisoned myself bel ghala6
8. or took too many of my "calm.." pills and my left arm has fallen off
9. And yes i did mean 911 because lets face it even if they came by boat across all seven oceans and took a mini 2 week vacation in thailand before arriving at my house...they'd still be here faster than 777 (or 112 ...mako farg el9ara7a it's not like they'll answer 112 either)

The Mysterious Cousin From Abroad

2010-01-05T16:03:00.003+03:00

So I'm sitting at home getting ready to work on my essay (khala9t 53 words out of 2,500, btw so it's going great..) when my phone rings and it's mother dearest:

Mama: Aloo..goomay badlay o ta3alay weld 3amich FLAN AL FLANI is coming over.

FLAN AL FLANI = a cousin who i've never met and have rarely heard about who's been living abroad for the past 12 years.

Um Manaf: Enzain? shako ana ayey?
Mama: La goomay o ta3alay salmay! O lebsay 3adil (Translation: besich jeans o uggs o please for the love of God saway shay ib sha3rich cuz it's scaring the kids)

Asaker el teliphone minha wadeg 3ala my sister:

Um Manaf: ..maly khelg ayey
Sister: Adry ham ana! She threatened me Um Manaf...she said she'll kill me if I don't make polite conversation. Kill me.. as in dead..as in ..bye bye.
Um Manaf: I wonder shyayba back after all these years
Sister: I know...I wonder shimwadeeh hnaak for all these years a9lan
Um Manaf: Maybe metzawej wa7da hnaak..
Sister: ..yeahh...or maybe he's running away from something here..
Um Manaf: Or maybe he's gay?
Sister: And he has a lover...
Um Manaf: Called Paulo...
Sister: ...Or Raul..
Um Manaf: Yeah..kinda makes sense..
Sister: I know..

Um Manaf hangs up from Sister and calls mama 3ala6ool to tell her the juicy gossip that she and Sister had just figured out..

Um Manaf: Aloo Mama, don't you think it's kind of weird that he's been there for so long? .. Me and Sister were just talking about it and..
Mama: What's weird about it? He finished jam3a and now works bil sefara...why what did you think he was doing there?
Um Manaf: umm..........gotta go bye!

Um Manaf's Anger Management Theory

2009-12-31T12:26:00.003+03:00

Firstly, shakliyan I look like the calmest person in the world. My face kella innocence and biroood...bes in reality, I swear like a sailor, punch things I don't like, and get annoyed at pretty much everything.

So ams as I tossed and turned in bed, once again angry at a certain human being who has the same level of intelligence as a newly born retarded monkey, I thought of a new way to release my anger.

Here is the fool-proof Um Manaf Anger Management Theory, guaranteed to calm you down in any situation:

Step 1: Enter the nearest empty room and start swearing out loud at the person. Do not limit yourself to one language as it has been scientifically proven that a swear word repeated in more than one language is more effective. In case you run out of swear words feel free to create some of your own.

Step 2: Find the nearest wall, face it, and press your forehead against it as you slide down to your knees screaming "DEAR GOD, WHYYY!!" Once you are on your knees, dramatically smack the wall with your hands. If you hurt your hand, pretend your fine and move on. There's no room for sissy's in Um Manaf's Anger Management Theory.

Step 3: Grab your shoes and storm out, once your in your car speed down El-Khaleej and take your anger out on the road like a man! (Note: The last thing you want when your upset is a speeding ticket so refrain from driving more than 60km/h, and instead make engine sounds with your mouth and imagine your driving 200km/h. If you find yourself in need of making a turn...don't signal until the last possible second..let people know who's boss! Oh and don't forget to make tag7ee9 sounds as you turn.)

Step 4: Call the person your angry at and laugh hysterically. When they hang up call back and cry.

Step 5: In case the anger gets too unbearable and you start considering suicide please be creative about how you choose to leave this world. Here are a few suggestions:

Drink 17 Redbull's consecutively and try to out-run cars in the street.
Try jumping from roof to roof Spiderman-style in 9 inch heels, men should wear dishdasha's for this one. (Don't forget to flick your wrists while you jump).
Watch Benjamin Button from beginning to end.
Scratch that...just watch the first 30 mins of Benjamin Button anything more than that constitutes as Cruel and Unusual Punishment.

ps: yalla baroo7 asawii my essay.. i've successfully finished 20 words out of 2,500... well actually 15 words if you don't count my name and date...and 11 words if you don't count the title.
pps: love u !

GUESSS WHO'S BACK BITCHES!

2009-12-29T19:41:00.004+03:00

As I sit in my new home .. watching 17 Again...again. My lovely sister bbm's me and tell me she's going through my old posts and told me how (quote) "hilarious" (unquote) I was, and so for old times sake I decided to browse through the posts of the person that once was.

And as I read post after post...I realized something VERY important. I really am hilarious!! I mean, how inconsiderate would it be of me to deprive the world of Um Manaf?? It would be cruel! I mean, if we were to measure it against recent world events, Um Manaf leaving the blogging world would undoubtedly be right up there with the horrible acts of Hitler, the tragedy of AIDS in Africa, and the recent battle of Qadsiya vs. Kathma!

But I must warn you, I am a married woman and a lot has changed over the past few months and for some of you who have come to know the old Um Manaf, it might be hard for you to accept the person I've become now. But give it some time and you will see the old Um Manaf inside somewhere...

Before I leave let me introduce you to some of the changes that have happened to Um Manaf over the past few months that have changed her from the person she once was to the person she is today:

1. Her hair has become a shade and a half lighter and two inches longer.
2. I've moved out of my family's house and into my husband's house...across the street.
3. I now like the sugar-less cornflakes as opposed to the Frosties one.
4. I changed my blackberry cover from black to maroon.

I know... a lot has changed. But don't judge the new Um Manaf too quickly. Give it time and you'll see there's still some of the old me inside.

Love you wayed wayed waaaaayed and I missed the hell outta ya ;*

New Online Fashion Boutique

2009-08-31T00:22:00.002+03:00

Da3aya sareee3a min ekhit'kom el me5taaafya:

www.shabby-chique.com

IM BAAAAACK!!

2009-07-26T11:50:00.003+03:00

Astahal kaaf 9a7? kafaaain? 3ashra?

Latloomooni ya nas....!! I was overly stressed out by all the tough decisions I have to make in my life :( ... you understand right?

Yah okay that was bullshit, kent lahya weya el 7abeeeb o el 6al3at o el summer course! But i'm back now...with lots and lots and lots of stories to tell you!

Mathalan let me tell you about the top three phrases your going to hear when you're engaged:

1. "shlonich ma3a el tajheez?" okay ya nas..what is this "tajheez" they speak about. Even my mother goes on and on for hours about "alllll the things we need to do to get you ready". So I did some research and basically this is how a bride gets ready: She heads to the nearest spa and asks for the chocolate treatment, which basically means that they're going to rub overpriced, melted chocolate that they probably bought from the baqala next door, all over your body, and then...wait for it....they wash it off! Wow! Boy, do I feel like a bride now :) ..
Then...the hair...a mixture of kitchen leftovers including garlic, olive oil, mayonaise, mustard, Kiri cheese, and whatever the people at the salon had for lunch the day before...all mixed together in a healthy hair mask to be left in for 45 mins...

2. "ga3da etsaween rejeem?" ok... 3indi karsha...im more "full" than fat...i've learnt to live with it and to accept it...shouldn't the rest of the Kuwaiti population begin to do the same?

3. "Ubay mayloog 3alaich metzawja" ... I honestly have no comment for that one...apparently i'm not the marrying "type.." ... after all i'm only a typical 21 year old kuwaiti..that's hardly the marriage "type" in Kuwait..

..will be back soon with stories ..
love love loooooooove you guys wayed!

good news, bad news

2009-05-19T11:55:00.002+03:00

awal shay, 7ag kel ili es2alaw 3ani thank you...i love you!

adry mekhtafya o you're all wondering why so i'm about to tell you...

taboon il good news awal wela el bad?

khal agoolikom el goood awal.....tathkiroon that theory that some of you bloggers had ili kel new blogger faj2a tenkhi6ib. atwaqa3 its true lol ... lana.... guess who's getting marrieddddddd...

UM MANAAAAF

(adry adryy...allah y3eena el maskeen ili ebya5ith'ha 9a7??)

on to the bad news...barja3 to the blogging world...bes mu mithel gabel :( ma3indi wayed wagt right now bes wala i'll do my best.

ps; don't ask me about the wedding i'll have a nervous breakdown ;\

Missed Me?

2009-05-05T21:16:00.004+03:00

gelt batghalaaaa o bashoooof shetsawooon bes ektishaaaft ini i'm not loved!

Tewaqa3t billboards lekwait kelha ebyinkitib 3alaihom "WAINICH YA UM MANAF" ... Adawer ib hal siyayeeer 7ag sticker WA7D maktoob 3alaih "We miss you Um Manooof" ... da3aaaya bil jareeeda...law akher 9af7a 7atan..maktoob feeeeha "rej3eeeelna ya Um Manaf". Bes laaaaaaaa2...ma astahal ana.

kubar raaaskom ha? ..... Maaashy ya ahal il blogosphere...ana awareeeekom! (cue background music: it's toooooooooooo late to apooooloooogizeeeeeee....it's tooooo laaaaaaaaaate...)

---

- Okay on a more serious note ... I'm back. O 3indi likom khabar wayed 7azeeen. Atwaqa3 feeeni - Swine flu ("H1N1 flu" 7ag ili y7iboon yetfalsafoon)... o la2 ma akel khanazeer ana bes ajabelhom 6ool elyoom bil jam3a fa e7timal that's why.

- Fe shay wayed mohim be9eeer on thursday bes et3arfoooni MAFEEENI 9ABER fa a7es il ayam mu ga3da tamshy! 7asa nafsi ib filim Ground Hog Day...! Hatha el shay ili ysamoona "patience" eb ay jam3eeya ebee3ooooooooooona??

Yala meta y9eeer thursday?!

Yalaaaaa...

OLLLAAA lail7ean mu thursdaaaaay...!!! *Um Manaf throws herself onto her bed and cries ma9ri movie style*

- I'm turning 21 soon....planning on going wild wiya my friends...going to pop open a bottle of Lemon Acetone and party til 10:25pm at Club Chocolate Bar Bidi3.. Girls Gone Wild Kuwait Edition!

ps: a7ebkom tadrooon 9a7? :*

Sad News..

2009-04-29T09:24:00.003+03:00

I've been exposed.

Weli fetha7ni decided to not only put my name bes to put my mobile number as well.

La weli akthar min chithy ba3ad is that they posted it bil share3 for everyone to see.

I'm so upset.

ps: thanks P.H for the pic ;*

Unnecessary, Unimportant, and Uninteresting Facts About Um Manaf

2009-04-27T14:07:00.002+03:00

1. When I'm nervous or confused I talk to myself.

"Laish sawaitay chithee Um Manaf?" ... "Al7ean shet'hagain be9eer?" ... "Inzain Um Manaf rakzay shway lazim fe 7al..."

2. I'll be completely fine and calm before bungee jumping off the side of a mountain but i'll have a nervous breakdown when it's time to check my phone bill.

3. Kela shakli met'thayga. Adish il bait mistansa I just had the most amazing day of my life o my parents' reaction: "Shfeech? Bachya? Are you ok?"

4. I'm scared of the dark. I have never ever in my life slept in complete darkness.

5. When i'm in my car kelkom ili bara et9eroon BLUR lani asra7 wayed wana asoog...so if you're three cars down to the left and I passed you at 120km/h .. please don't call me and be like "ubay shda3wa ma shefteeeni".

6. I crash into things a lot. Mostly walls, but I don't discriminate...i'll crash into chairs and desks as well.

7. I check CNN.COM three or four times a day..

8. If I could be anywhere right now doing anything i'd be in Paris sipping hot chocolate on a roadside cafe in the rain.

9. I wake up everyday in the morning and pray that it rains. I love love looove thunderstorms.

10. I can't think of a #10...what do you guys want to know for the last one?

Um Manaf Tries to Take it Like a Man...

2009-04-24T16:17:00.004+03:00

So I walk into a store weya refeejti o we're the only ones there aside from a man and a woman. Now the man is young o the woman looks much older so I assume inhom mu ma3a ba3ath.

Now, ana wa7da I think i'm "discreet" bes matelgoon louder than my voice. If ever you're in avenues o tesmi3oon wa7da muz3ija et-hather from like 20 stores down....it's probably me.

So while i'm picking out clothes ashoof il mara et7i6 her hand lovingly on the man's arm and i say to myself "oh y3arfoon ba3ath" ... now if you're wondering why i'm looking at them and why i'm thinking about them, the answer is because ana Kuwaitiya wel ligafa ib dami.

Then something even more weird happens, she gets a phone call and I hear her tell her mother that she's out shopping with "rayelha" so I turn to my friend and make an innocent comment "oh, 3abali ihya oma!".

Now dear readers...I'm not mean. Walah el 3atheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem ma kan qa9di to be mean. It was just a comment wana ma fakart gabel la I opened my mouth (which is typical Um Manaf).

O 6ab3an mashalla 3ala my "hushed whisper" all of the eastern hemisphere esma3aw my comment 3an il woman!

So as I get ready to leave the store I walk past her wela faj2a I get this shooting pain in my arm as she "accidently" elbows me and I go fffllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying into agrab 6ooofa!

Tathkiroon lama America invaded Iraq recently? O lama Saddam decided to try one last time to "destroy" Kuwait so he sent that 3ooya missile that hit the corner of souq sharq (mind you, law he blew up lashkal ili ihnaak chan sawalna big favor) bes anyway...the sound of that explosion? Exactly similar to the sound of me crashing into the wall!

El mohim, in the end, my fault completely....I should have waited for her to leave il ma7al gabel la at7acha..so I took it like a man..dusted myself off, leaned on my friend and had her drag me out of the store.

Um Manaf's Cousin...The Police Officer

2009-04-20T20:41:00.004+03:00

He walks into the room, head high, shoulder's broad, chest sticking out....my cousin...the brave officer.

"Waaay ana ma anam elail min kither ma a7ateeeh" his mom whines putting a hand dramatically across her forehead. We all nod in sympathy. Yes..he has a dangerous job...just the other day he was whisked away in an ambulance!

Would you like to hear the story?

Well..Brave Officer Cousin of Um Manaf...got a call informing him of a buggy collision ib one of the nearby mana6eq so he gets into his car and turns on those pretty blue and red lights o e6eeeeeeeeeeer to the scene of the crime. When he gets there the boys who were illegally driving buggies around at top speed hit the road running and left the buggies on the sidewalk.

So...action-movie style, my cousin takes off running after them. Seven minutes later my cousin gets out of breath and dizzy from the running and passes out.
An ambulance arrives at the scene.
My cousin is taken to the nearest hospital to be treated for Kuwaiti-Excess-Karsha disorder.
Boys on buggy are nowhere to be found.

My cousin...the brave police officer.

Um Manaf's Amazing Subconscious!

2009-04-20T12:55:00.002+03:00

Lets rewind a bit to 9 days ago when one of my professors informed me that I would be giving a well structured, informative, extremely long, persuasive speech.

Now let's breeze through the passing 9 days while I procrastinated, re-prioritized, and wasted my time away and pause at the night before the speech was due.

Yes I'm nervous, and I haven't prepared anything, and for some reason every time I try to think of a topic my brain blanks on me. So I do what any hardworking, mature student would do....I slept.

My brain however had other plans...the minute I dozed off and entered Um Manaf's Lovely La-La Land (where I own the whole world and everyone's dreams are to serve me and make me happy) my brain turned on and grabbed a piece of paper and pen (yes my brain has hands) and sat down at a desk (and yes it has an ass as well..)..

My brain starts at the top of the page by writing down the topic I'll be speaking about then goes about making structured notes of what I'll be saying first, second, third, and last. At one point, my brain actually got up to use a dictionary after forgetting how to spell a word.

When all was done, grinning broadly, my brain joined my body in La-La Land.

The next morning I awake, remembering vividly my dream. Could it be? Do I actually have my speech prepared? Shocked I quickly recite my dream in my head and holy crap it's an actual speech!

At this point even I am shocked at the geniusness that is Um Manaf's brain but I decide not to jinx myself so I say Mashallah a couple of times and change quickly to head to my class and impress the hell out of my professor.

As I near my university, with a cocky grin on my face as I repeat the speech one last time in my head, my phone rings.

Friend: Goooooodmorning! We're at Prime and Toast having pancakes...you coming?"

I swerve, nearly killing myself, three others, and a small palm tree, to make it to the nearest u-turn and make my way to Prime and Toast. There, smugly, amidst a plate of warm pancakes, I tell my friends how smart my brain is and recite to them the speech that I should have passed but failed (for lack of showing up).

Now dear readers, you must be wondering why rational, responsible Um Manaf would do something so careless and stupid right?

Well I did what I did ... simply because......I CAN.

Um Manaf's Plans for the Day

2009-04-17T11:50:00.002+03:00

tathkiroon eb filim Pearl Harbor il scene where el ba6al erakeb il ba6ala the plane then i6ee7 3alaihom the General so they run into the warehouse ili kela white curtains o ehya tarkith o ihwa yarkith waraha?

Ba3dain he kisses her?

Tathkiroon?

Enzain, et-hagoon etha 3alagt sharashif beeeth ib 7oshna o ga3adt arkith bainhom ye6la3li wa7ed methla waray?

Sudoku

2009-04-15T11:33:00.003+03:00

Sudoku... a Japanese word for "brain-wrestling for the social-life-impaired".

Sudoku...the government's way of distracting us while they run about waging fake wars with fake enemies over fake reasons.

Sudoku...a form of torture popular during the medieval times.

Sudoku...a tool used to create self appreciation among math geeks who have no other means of attaining self-respect.

Sudoku...a myth (along with Global Warming, The Holocaust, and the Bush Administration).

Sudoku...an insult to all of us.

Um Manaf Goes Shopping

2009-04-14T14:29:00.002+03:00

Now we all know ina Um Manaf lately wayed 9ayra etroo7 "running" o "jogging" o sometimes when she's really tired "crawling" so i'm hoping that what I'm about to tell you won't give you a heart attack.

Considering the fact that I don't intend on stopping anytime soon my friends have told me that I have to put aside my tracks and invest in some ...

stretchy pants.

Eli weda y3aleq ykhali9ni wegool ili 3inda al7ean.

ps: I think its a good idea lana it'll make me run super fast 3ashan ma7ad eshoofni.

pps: adry ga3d agi9 3ala 3omri..

Kharabeee6 lil mara el 100000

2009-04-13T11:42:00.002+03:00

- For all of you who gave a crap about Um Manaf's tiny temper tantrum last night, I love you. (Ela Suspic who only managed to think of himself...)

- I have this co-worker behind me and we're the only two people in the office elyoom o 9arla bel thab6 sa3a o shay ysolif wana 7agrita. Lail7ean ma la7ath, la o 7a6a earphones on ba3ad. La jad he won't shut up.

- I've been in the mood for a scary movie for a while now fa elyoom i'm finally going to go see one. If you hear a girl screaming at around 6ish....it's not me lana my movie is at 8.

- Okay seriously he won't shut up. Ma9ri.. mako fayda I swear.

- Mara7 akhareb 3alaikom shay, bes who saw the latest HOUSE MD episode? I almost had a heart attack...my jaw was on the ground the entire time! It was so unexpected!

- El Ma9ri is officially talking to the wall now.

- Ams re7t jogging again. It's so funny when you catch people imwa3deen and then you stare at them to make them feel uncomfortable but you don't expect them to stare back at you ... evilly. Then you get really scared and run away like a crazed gorilla.

Mu Zain: o Kelish Mu 3alam Jameel!

2009-04-12T13:04:00.002+03:00

THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY THAT THIS DAY CAN GET ANY WORSE..

Unless I die.

In which case I'm taking you all down with me.

Pure Seduction

2009-04-11T19:42:00.005+03:00

It takes a second for my eyes to catch a glimpse of something breathtaking...and immediately my gaze finds its way back to the object for a better look. My eyes linger on it for a few seconds as I take in the sight.

My breathing gets uneven and I try to calm myself as I begin to think of all the things that could possibly happen between us. I find myself guiding it towards a hidden place where no one would be able to see us. In the back of my head a voice tells me what I'm about to do is wrong, and I glance around slowly to make sure nobody, especially my mother who was with me, can see.

Finally we are alone, hidden behind walls where I'm sure nobody can see us. I have to be quick, and before I know it I'm ripping my clothes off. My arms find their way above my head as I feel the soft caress start at my palm and slowly find its way down my arms and around my body. Soon we become entwined and I can't tell where I begin and it ends.

My heart is racing as I begin to imagine my mother looking for me...this has to end. Quickly.
Gazing one last time at us together, I push it away and put my clothes back on. Leaving it there, confused and alone, I rush to find my mother.

When she sees me I know she can tell that I'm flushed, I innocently try to adjust my dress as I explain to her that I hadn't been anywhere suspicious.

We begin walking away...but I can feel its gaze on me; begging me to come back. Begging to continue where we left off. Before I know it the words escape my throat "Mama ... wait ... I can't." And I begin walking back towards it. My mother gazes at me, wondering what has come over me.

"Youma ..a7iba magdar" I told her, panic obviously rising in my voice.
I run back to it and hug it, then slowly turn around to show it to my mother.

My mother stares at me for a few seconds, not sure what to say, but finally she nods and begins to speak, "etha entay 3ajbich, who am I to stand between you?"

She gives me her blessing...and her credit card...and with joyous tears in my eyes I head to the counter to purchase my lovely jacket.

--
ps: 7ag eli mukha ra7 eb3eed: 3aaib 3alaikom!
pps: 7ag eli mukha ma ra7 eb3eed: 3asa ma shar, esh'hal bara2a el zayda?

Mr. Politically Incorrect

2009-04-07T14:53:00.005+03:00

I have a professor whom I love lana ya3ni maskeen eyanin o enaji7 el kil!

Mr. Politically Incorrect: "On your midterms tara ma7ad got an F..or a D...or a C..." (eshbuga?)

Bes fe 3aib wa7d, ina he's so politically incorrect and is racist to the point where it's no longer offensive but HILARIOUS! Ya36eekom il statements as if they're scientifically proven facts o ma buga a race or gender he didn't insult (6ab3an indirectly, ya3ni kelish mu qa9da ina ykoon funny).

Here are a few of his best ones (i'm going to type in bad english because he's not that good with the language latig3idoon etgooloon Um Manaf mat3aref taktib):

Brits: "you know the British how they are like, when it is the weekend they don't want to work they just go to the nearest pub and they drink all night.......maybe watch one game on the television until they become drunk.." (because el khaleejiyeen don't get drunk tara..la 7asha...min ygooooool...bes il British..)

Indians: "the Indians, they are the best people...because you know they are cheap! They don't go buy a bag for 1,000 KD because it is Fendi. No they don't understand things like this, they don't know Fendi or Gucci. They only buy what is cheap. Like that they always eat rice, they don't go to fancy restaurants" (weyana bint half Indian half Kuwaitiya o yoom gal chithee kel il banat eltaftaw yshoofoon shino markat jan6at'ha haha..)

Chinese: "You know the Chinese they are very simple people...they don't like fancy stuff, always eating their noodles, never changing because they like to be simple.." (magroodeen hal chinese ma7ad be6awef salfat il noodles)

Grown Kuwaiti Women: "There will be lots of problems with women in parliament because you know Kuwaiti women they are always jealous of each other, if one woman she walk in with a new briefcase then the other woman she will want it and will think why is her briefcase nicer than mine...and there will be problems" (ee lel2asaf il 7areem ma elmafrooth edishoon il majlis...they'd interrupt all the glass-throwing with their stupidity)

American Teenagers: They are always you know walking around putting gel in their hair... (ehnee thakarni ib iboy lol)

My Not-So-Expensive Burger..

2009-04-06T20:50:00.003+03:00

Today I went out for lunch at one of the few "somewhat classy" burger-joints in Kuwait which I will not expose the name of as a sign of respect for its owner (tara it was Burger Hub) and after we had finished with our pretty average meal we asked for the bill..

When it comes, I take out my K-net and hand it over to the woman and she swipes it into the machine and hands it over for me to punch in my code. And I do so.

FAILED...

"Try again ma'am"

And I do...FAILED AGAIN!

So she tears out the failed receipt and hands it to me then smiles "sorry ma'am it seems your card doesn't have money" ..

I look at the receipt min9adma.... where did all my money go?

And I take a closer look at the receipt and almost have a heart attack.

Yes, 7sabna for 2 burgers and a couple of appetizers was 55,005.292 KD..I mean if the economy wasn't in such a crisis this would be acceptable bes ya3ni COME ON, we're in a recession!

--

ps: I had the 55,000 ib e7sabi bes kan nagi9ni 292 fils 3ashan chithee my card got declined.

Um Manaf's Amazing Sense of Direction..

2009-04-05T16:17:00.003+03:00

The other day my friend was trying to explain to me how to get to her house o 6ab3an being amazing with directions (there is yet a navigation system to be created that will cure my road-sense-stupidity..) o shafat ina mako fayda so she decided to meet me halfway at a Burger King.

O Um Manaf el sha6ra terkab her car and drives to that Burger King (not before missing the exit and taking the wrong u-turn like a million times...9ij wala I took the same u-turn three times..and yes I did get shwaya dizzy) o she sees her lovely friend parked jedamha waiting. Her (impatient and 3a9abiya) friend goes down and gets some food.

Eventually she pulls out of Burger King with Um Manaf close behind her. And what does Um Manaf do when she was supposed to be focusing on the road and learning the directions?

She was texting....

(I mentioned ina my friend wayed 3a9abiya o ini akhaf minha 9a7?)

As we pull into her garage she texts me "inshallah dalaitay al7ean? Because you're coming back again bacher ebroo7ich .."

(Ihnee galb Um Manaf y6ee7 ib ba6enha...bes ma3alaikom, Um Manaf mu ghabiya! She always has a plan...)

Texts back: "Flana...nesait la a6lib shay min burger king lets go back plz plz plzzzz" ..

So she agrees and I get in the car with her and grin to myself lani 7adi sha6ra ga9ait 3alaiha and now she has to drive all the way back and i'll get to memorize the way again..

So we drive to Burger King and pull into the drive thru..

Flana: sheno tabeen?

Um Manaf: BBQ Sauce (innocent smile)

Flana: (lots of mumbling with a few swear words in between)

And after the two "extremely important" packets of BBQ Sauce we head back to her house..

Chan erin mobile Um Manaf..

O g3adat etsolif..

.....o etsolif...

.............o etsolif...

...until faj2a we were pulling back into her garage.

---

ps: I have to go back to her place in an hour

pps: MA ADIL!

ppps: help me please

pppps: I even forgot how to get to that Burger King..

ppppps: Mino ydil hathak el Burger King ili 3alaih sign kbeer katbeen BURGER KING o feeh drive-thru?

Kuwaiti Immaturity

2009-04-04T10:22:00.002+03:00

Ana la7atht min fatra ina Kuwaiti's have developed a very interesting way of communicating with each other when it comes to being angry or upset. Song lyrics. Whether it's by sending them in a text message with the "insulting" lyrics or by putting the words as their nickname on MSN...whether its one or the other, Kuwaiti's have once again managed to break barriers in the communcation field.

As if we didn't already have enough problems with communication ib hal deera! Ma buga ela ili bil majlis ygooloon 7ag ba3ath "ensa il za3al.." everytime they disagreed on something.

Trust me if you want to get your message across to me don't do it by means of ghinya lana i'll just laugh in your face...I prefer you do it the mature way, where you call me up and scream at me.

O ba3ad shay thany, what's up with the people leaving rude insulting anonymous messages ib chatrooms + comment sections? Etha 7asbalkom ur strong by doing that 9eeraw gad 7arakatkom o say it to the persons face and let them know it came from you. Don't hide behind an "anonymous" name when you do it. How am I supposed to be insulted by someone who doesn't even have the guts to call me up and say what they have to say to my face? They're so cowardly that they have to go biskat and comment under anonymous ib my blog to do it.

Ya nas grow up...eli 3inda issue o yabi he discusses it please be man/woman enough to call that person up and do it the right way, and if you're too weak to do that then just don't do anything at all! O put down Rashid El Majed's albums and use your own words for once.

--
ps: adry ina I sound angry ib hal post, and I'm really not, I'm just really frustrated o disgusted shwaya.
pps: and 6ab3an I have to add this, mu kel kwaitiyeen are like that + under some situations when its a joke or shay its acceptable, but i'm talking to those who use it as a form of communicating and a way to "insult" people.

Um Manaf Thinks She's That Girl in that Nike Commercial

2009-04-03T09:23:00.004+03:00

It is with great pleasure that I inform you that you will not be rid of Um Manaf anytime soon, she is alive and well (though she can't feel her second and fourth toe in her right foot).

The day before:

10:30 pm

Flana's Sister: Ha Um Manaf bacher jogging il sa3a 6 ok?
Um Manaf: Khala9 mashy ana 3indi study group a6la3 minhom o I meet you..
Flana's Sister: Sheno? Study group il 9eb7? ya7lailich wala!
Um Manaf: *eyes pop out* qa9dich jogging at SIX AM?!
Flana's Sister: ee 3ayal mita?
Um Manaf: *tear roll downs her cheek* ok-k-kkay..

Today:

5:35 am

Alarm rings and Um Manaf sits up in bed wetdiz msg 7ag refeejat'ha "ha ga3adtay" (silently she prays for no reply)...and there is none!

Just as Um Manaf prepares herself to go back to sleep her mobile beeps "ee ana bil 6ereej almost at your house"

*another tear rolls down her cheek*

So ebsir3a badalt o nezalt o as we're driving to _________ its starts to rain.

Um Manaf: *heyyyaa now akeed betridni baitna*
Flana's Sister: Hope you brought a sweater *big smile*
Um Manaf: *shit*

During my 7km "jog"

1. Tesaba7t min il mu6ar. Not a single inch of my clothes were dry and it was FREEZING.

2. Bechait. I don't know how it happened bes at one point wayhi intaras dmoo3 (I am not ashamed of my silent tears! It doesn't mean i'm weak! I'm only human, if you cut me do I not bleed?! Inzain fine..i was a little weak! A lot weak?....Leave me alone..)

3. Kan fe mara 3ayooz jedami...using a cane...jedami...as in sabgatni....as in I couldn't keep up...and she was limping....and bent over from how old she was...jedaaaaaami eb3eeeeeed...CANE!

4. At one point bedait amshi 3away. Don't ask laish. Don't ask how.

5. I saw no black spots and no white spots. This time kanaw purple and light blue. Is this like a karate thing? Kel loon is a level? What color do I have to see to get to the highest level?

6. After it was all done and she drove me back to my house, just as I was getting out of the car my friend turns to me and says "yala en3eed'ha bacher! this time my other sister is going to come...she's the athletic one! So we're going to really push it to the limit bacher..."

*Um Manaf silently swears under her breath and slams the car door shut*

Um Manaf Goes Jogging

2009-04-01T20:29:00.004+03:00

After spending almost two years studying in the States I was beginning to get a proper idea of what "exercise" and "being healthy" was...but upon returning to beautiful K-Town my definition of exercise altered slightly and I began accepting the idea that "exercising" was walking at a maximum of 1.3 km/h for 12 - 18 minutes before rewarding myself with a XXL Double Mushroom Meal from BK.

And so a few weeks ago tefalsaft ezyada 3an el lizoom o gelt 7ag one of my friends "eee ana wayed athletic.." and I went weyaha il mamsha. Little did i know that my friend was the devil who would cause me an amount of pain i'd never be able to forget.

Upon reaching the mamsha my friend took off running. After getting over the unusual scene in front of me I had no choice but to run after her.

So I ran...

...and ran...

...........and ran....

for almost 8 minutes (in Um Manaf time thats about 3.2 hours)...until I started seeing black spots everywhere. Eventually, I passed out and my friend managed to get me on the nearest bench and ran off to get the car...but not before assuring me: "don't worry bakhali my dog with you to protect you!"

Mind you, her dog is half an inch tall and walks backwards.

--

So today, I wanted to go jogging again and so I messaged her:

Um Manaf: Aby aroo7 jogging, come with me...
Flana: Chub.

ps: it didn't stop me, I ended up jogging for an hour and a half
pps: I didn't see black spots...I did however see white ones.
ppps: for any doctors out there...Are the white spots an improvement? Or am I going to die?

Kharboo6a

2009-04-01T11:33:00.002+03:00

- 9ij abi this week to end 7adi fachait (ma3ina 3indi some studying to do, and when I say some I only mean 200 pages of reading. Bes! Lat7asboon ina 3indi wayed shighel. It's only 200. Bes. 200. fahamtaw? 200.)

- Thersi lail7ean e3awerni lani eshzeeeni wayed mihtama ib 9a7iti o ma re7t el dentist. I blame the dentists...you've awoken a fear inside of me that never existed before. I shall call it KUWAITI-DENTIST-PHOBIA: The fear of Kuwaiti Dentists only.

- Emyam3atli episodes of House, GG, Dexter, o How I Met Your Mother, fa ya3ni ashkara DO NOT DISTURB sign 3ala babi this weekend.

- I'm investing in something and it's a big risk o I put all my savings into it (and wela fils min baba, so it's even worse lol) If it doesn't work out...I shall run someone over with my car.

- I'm at work. Ma re7t class. My fake reason: I have a meeting. My real reason: maly khilg. My secret hidden reason that only I know: I'm lazy.

- Now you all know my secret hidden reason. Latifthi7oon.

Um Manaf's Proud Moment

2009-03-30T22:46:00.003+03:00

I've never been a very sensitive person bes I've also never been a very strong one. Ya3ni 3indi a few trigger points that will hurt me o the rest don't make a difference with me. (What i'm trying to say is that i'm not as sensitive as the average girl)

Bes anyway the other day 9arli mawqef with a specific person o il kalam ili engal + il situation/environment + the person's role in my life 2athar feeni wayed and I ended up crying ib sayarti all the way home.

Fa then I got even more upset that I didn't stand up for myself o 9ar feeni "bes Um Manaf lai meta ya3ni?!" So I decided to do something about it...

What happened after I did something about it? We9alni msg esh6oola min the person ili ghala6 3alay apologizing 3ala il 9ar.
Chan arid 3alaihom ib msg zaf akthar ... o they apologized again (adry yazli il wath3...! 6ala3 ina il zaf shay ywanis)

El mohim *Um Manaf takes a bow* .. Elyoom I stood up for myself.

Yala 9afgoooli!

ps: I was so happy that I decided to buy myself a new bag as a reward
pps: el 9ij? kent aby 3ether to buy a new bag bes bage9 3ala nafsi o bagool ena it's a reward and I deserve it!

Anna

2009-03-28T18:49:00.003+03:00

Okay I'm not saying this to be mean o i'm not trying to insult her in any way bes khadamatna 3alaiha ga6at mu 9ij!

She cracks me up walah...

Examples:

- The other day I told her I wanted a coke so she goes for a few minutes then comes back "Um Manaf....what kind of chicken you want?"

- She wont go to sleep unless she walks through the entire house and says goodnight to EVERYONE .. and when I say everyone I mean everyone! So she walks to my brother "Goodnight Khal-Manaf.." he looks at her (shocked shwaya lol cuz it's the 100th night in a row and she still hasn't given up) and finally replies "goodnight"..etroo7 seeda 7ag ikhty and eventually makes her way to my mother's bedroom and knocks on the door. Ya7giroon for a few minutes but she stays...knocks some more.. akher shay my mom yells "na3aam?" and she says "goodnight madam..." and my mom replies goodnight..then she says "Sir??? Sir?!?!!!!?!" o tan6er iboy yrid 3alaiha 3ashan etgoola goodnight!

- When you call her, her "yes" lasts 14 seconds atleast. "Annaaaaa...!!" ... "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?"

- The other day I was in my room talking on the phone and she knocks on the door and sticks her head in and says "superman" and smiles ... ma3araft sharid 3alaiha so I just stared at her. Half a minute later she left.

- My little cousin thought it would be funny to teach her a bad word (which i'm not going to say) and he told her that you have to say it to people after they finished their food (china ya3ni bil 3afya) .. so the other day after lunch she goes to clear the table and Baba was standing nearby so she goes up to him and says that really bad word and baba's face turns all the colors of the rainbow hahaha ..

bes a7eb'ha wala! I told mama when I get married i'm taking her with me...

The King

2009-03-28T12:39:00.004+03:00

I'm the kind of person ili lama I'm interested in a famous figure a7eb a3aref kelshay 3anhom! Aby a3aref what they had for breakfast each morning, how they spoke, what kinds of things they said o blah blah .. ya3ni basically etha habait ba7ad tewaqa3aw ina by the end of my "research" bakoon 3arfa maqas serwalhom 7atan..

Fa this weekend I started watching documentaries o reading up on The King (Elvis Presley), personally I'm not a huge fan of his work ya3ni yemkin fe cham ghniya I like bes that's about it. Fa gelt ba3aref what made him so famous o what kind of a person he was o aham shay kent aby afham sheno salfat el "provocative dancing" ili kan ysaweeh wel banat e6i7oon qashyaneeen after..

In one of the books I was reading g3adaw yet7achoon 3an Presley's most famous dance video ili ihwa he created (choreographed) o shlon it was too sexual (o ina it hinted wayed 7ag homosexuality) fa I looked up the video o you can watch it HERE. I enjoyed it, ma ashoof feeh wayed "homosexuality" 3ala golat'hom bes atwaqa3 3ala wagta i guess it was too much for them..

Ee o I was looking up how he died o I found this out:

Presley was found on his bathroom floor by fiancé, Ginger Alden. According to the medical investigator, Presley had "stumbled or crawled several feet before he died"; he had apparently been using the toilet at the time. (He died of a drug overdose)

Isn't it such a degrading way to die? 7asait nehaya baykha for such a legend... crawling on the bathroom floor.

A Message

2009-03-27T09:23:00.004+03:00

I sit at a restaurant table decorated with small red candles in a mujama3 I've never seen in my life, surrounded by a few of my friends. The place is completely crowded and I can tell that it's a little past ten p.m. From a distance I saw someone standing out from the entire crowd; it was an old woman, shakel'ha Eastern European, and she was wearing black clothing that covered her from head to toe. In her arm she carried an old fashioned camera and she went around pretending to take pictures of some people and ignoring others. She finally came towards my table and stood inches from my face, that was when I realized she was something different than us and that was also when I realized that I was the only one in the entire restaurant who could see her.

My friends continued to chat and laugh and ignored the scary figure standing in front of us. She turned to me and sadly said "There's going to be a fire. Leave..." And she stared at the red candles for a minute before walking away and taking more pictures.

"Goomaw ebsir3a" I started yelling dragging my shocked friends from the table.
"Haw shfeech shfeech" They repeated but I ignored them and began to blow out the red candles on the table and as we made our way to the escalator I began randomly running to tables and picking up the candles to blow out on my way. Once we got onto the escalators on the other side of the mujama3 were more tables with red candles and just as we started moving down the escalator I saw one candle fall and the fire started.

We only had a few seconds' head start and with all the panic I didn't know which way to go but I realized that the restaurant was stuck to some sort of hotel so we began running through it before eventually finding a large window to crawl out of. Once bara we joined a large crowd of people and I found my car. By then I had lost most of my friends o weyay bes wa7da minhom. I prayed that my other friends would make it out soon.

Dakhel sayarti there was a man, and apparently I loved this man. Bes I couldn't see his face, the only thing I could see was his hand that he had extended out for me to hold. I held his hand and I hugged my crying friend, "I need to see someone who's inside" she wailed into my shoulder.
"It's too dangerous" I told her and hugged her.

That was when I noticed the old wrinkly woman with the camera...she had made it out of the building and was sadly wandering the parking lot that was filled with people who had escaped. She would take a picture of a few of them then skip the rest. I realized once again that I was the only person who could see her. Slowly she made her way towards my car and staring straight at me she raised the camera. I didn't know what the difference was between the people who got their pictures taken and the ones that didn't and I didn't know which one of them I wanted to be. She turned her camera to my friend and took a flash-less picture before turning to the man inside and taking one of him.

Sadness overwhelmed me when she did that as it hit me. She was some sort of Angel of Death and those she had taken a picture of were about to die in some way. I held tightly on to the hand of the man in my car and kissed it slowly. I knew that I wouldn't be seeing him anymore, though I didn't know how he was going to die. I grabbed my sobbing friend and told her we were going back inside the burning building. She told me that I was right it was too dangerous and that they should just wait for everyone to come outside.

"But you have to see a person" I told her and we began walking towards the flames. I didn't know when or how my friend was going to die but I knew that she had to see the person she was crying for before she did. I couldn't tell her she was about to die, it was something nobody should know off before-hand.

A feeling of sadness and dread overwhelmed me as all I could see was darkness and tears. I was comforting two people I loved before they were going to die and nobody knew it but me.

Just then a loud voice woke me up from my dream. It was el athaan...
I sit up in bed covered in sweat looking around my dark room half expecting Malik el Moot to show up.

--

I talked to my mom after o faseratli old ugly woman bil 7elm o it said ina its a person who transports you to the other side bes not the good other side the bad one (ya3ni hell atwaqa3) o bil thab6 that was her role in my dream!

O fire can be good and bad in a dream bes in my dream it represented hell.

--

I was supposed to be somewhere this weekend o akher la7tha I cancelled but the girl who was hugging me and crying ib akher il 7elm went there anyway.

Um Manaf Finds The Perfect Solution

2009-03-25T21:23:00.002+03:00

Elyoom I came across a bump in a tiny road that is called "6ereej Um Manaf bil 7ayat" fa 6ab3an being the drama queen that I am ga3adt a9arekh o a9afeg ib beeban baitna (ya3ni it's gonna help al7ean lol) lain we9alt bab my parent's bedroom... wela jedami baba.

Um Manaf freeezes.

Baba: BEDAL LA ET9ARKHEEN O ETKASREEEN IB BAITI ANA AGOOL A7SANLICH ITFAKREEN IB SOLUTION! MAKO MOSHKILA MATIN7AL! INTAY MU YAHEL O 3AGLICH KBEER ROO7AY CALM DOWN O FAKREEELICH IB UR NEXT MOVE.....FA YALA THELFAY BARA DARI O BESICH EZ3AJ.

(Don't you just love how supportive my dad is lol? He's so creative ya36eekom il zafa bes ib ni9'ha he'll hide a good message lol...it's his way of parenting! Ma3indina swalif Dr. Phil's Guide to Parenting ib baitna...)

El mohim chan a5eth el na9ee7a ili minkhasha bain il zafa wel masaba o I get in my car and drive off. 6ab3an ana sayarti shet'dil ib hal deera ghair il khaleej? Suddenly I found myself there o gelt laish ma aroo7 sul6an center to shop around. Fa I get there and i'm aimlessly wandering from aisle to aisle wela ashoof shay yedeed!

(Now this may be old news for you guys bes 7agi ana shay YEDEED)

An entire section of Wines! Merlot o Chardonnay o Premium Red o Premium White (6ab3an non-alcoholic). Eshta6ait WAYED (because the bottles looked so pretty lol) chan akhmi6li cham bo6il waroo7 il cash register.

Half an hour later dashait 3ala iboy beedi bo6il red wine... he looks at me for a second...
"3afya 3alaich bnayti sheftay shlon kelshay lah 7al?"

Ministry of Communication

2009-03-24T21:40:00.002+03:00

Law sama7taw eli y3aref a7ad bil ministry of communication ewa9elihom this message:

Tadroon ina ili ga3d etsawooona 7aram?

Tadroon inkom ga3deen ta7rimoona min our MOST BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS?

Tadroon how many people there are in this country that are so severely disappointed in you that sometimes they cry at night before they sleep?

3ALA AY ASAS ITSAWOON BLOCK 3ALA IL ONLINE TV SHOWS?

WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO DO THAT?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CONTINUE LIVING WITHOUT MY WEEKLY FIX OF ILLEGALLY PIRATED EPISODES OF GOSSIP GIRL?

--

Okay al7ean on a more serious note... qarart ini baktiblihom ketab! Bes please a7ad ygooli wain 9ayra il wezara 3ashan a6aresh il letter weya sayeqna bacher... :)

ps: Don't worry Chuck I'll never leave you!
pps: eli yesma3 ygool Chuck y3aref mino Um Manaf al7ean
ppps: a9lan e7a9ela! pssshhh...madry 3ala shino shayef nafsa. maskeen wala.

Thaka2 Um Manaf

2009-03-23T17:30:00.003+03:00

Bagoolikom salfa...bes shoofaw ana wa7da akhaf min il 3ain ... fa lata7sidooni please! Jad jad lama etkhal9oon il post kel wa7d feekom ygool MASHALLAH o ytafel WAYED (3ad mu 9ij sa3abeel ok because that's nasty) ..

El mohim hathy salfiti:

Um Manaf wanted to pick up a book min her friend, so Um Manaf is driving in her car o etdig 3ala her friend (someone you guys all know lol)

Um Manaf: Alo wainich?

Person X: pulling into so and so parking

Um Manaf: Oh 9edfa i'm there pull up yami banzil a5eth il ketab minich

Um Manaf pulls to the side and waits ....o dgeegtain later Person X pulls up next to her. Smiling Um Manaf tanzil min il sayara wela faj2a etshoof shay yet7arak waraha...

sheno hal shay?!

SAYARAT'HA ... BECAUSE UM MANAF IL 3AJEEEEEBA NESAT LA ET7I6 IL CAR ON PARK!

el mohim I caught up with it and it's fine o saf6a bil garage esh7alat'ha..

What did Person X say about all of this? ...... "typical" ..and drove off.

ps: please la tensoon etgooloon Mashallah!
pps: yala mishaw 7loojkom min il sa3abeel

Adry El Font Wayed 9gheer!

2009-03-21T19:14:00.003+03:00

-7ag ili maraw 3ala my blog in the past hour adry inkom la7athtaw ashya2 ghareeba...bes as you all should be aware of by now..i'm technologically retarded o mani 3arfa shlon a7e6li theme yedeed o 7elo ..

- And yes, that's me .. in my bikini... on the beach in Cannes...and that's my daddy's yacht in the back!

- Mu imbayen ini excited 3al summer 9a7? Adry adry...bes wala I am tara...even though mu imbayen .. bes i am ...

- Last night ib yam3at khalaty kan fe majalat PEOPLE 6ay7a .. o wa7da min khalaty picked it up chan etgool "waay hathy ili 3al cover ni9kha min Um Manaf.." chan ta36i il magazine 7ag khalty il thanya etshoof, wela khalty il thanya "ee wala 9ajaa" .. el mohim 3ala ma eftarat il majala 3al kel o ew9alatni I eagerly looked at the cover wela mino? JESSICA SIMPSON!

- Sema3taw? I look like jessica simpson! It doesn't matter if she's BLONDE o a6wal mina ana o khalaty foog ba3ath... o 3alaiha jisim model... because apparently I LOOK LIKE HER!

- Unless they were joking .. because that would just be cruel!

- Ubay...laykoon they were joking?

- I don't think I like khalaty anymore!

- Ams akalt 5 Chocolate Bar Cupcakes (wegooloonli i look like jessica simpson ba3ad ... la ashkara mani ray7a il yam3a next week! Ana awareeehom)

- 3ajebkom il theme? Lana if it's not tadroon ina mara7 yetghayar 9a7? Bel qa9eb gedart a7e6li wa7d zain! So lie and tell me you love it!

Um Manaf's Issue With Her Pants!

2009-03-20T23:54:00.004+03:00

Tathkiroon lama I was going to Dubai and I forgot to pack my pants?

Okay, now tathkiroon ams lama getlikom ini baroo7 asawii massage?

So I'm done with the massage okay? And I'm getting dressed, o I put on my top and my sweater (ili yaybita ma3ay lana its chilly bara, o 7adi khayfa I get sick)...o I start to tie up my sandals .. wela faj2a a7es ina el jaw barad bezyada...

O I say to myself "there's something wrong here.."

Can you guess what was wrong?

I forgot to put on my pants :/

SO DEAR READERS..IT HAS BECOME EVIDENT THAT UM MANAF HAS AN ISSUE WITH PANTS!

Should I just stop fighting it and start going out pantless? Lana il 9ara7a my brain mu rathy ye3tirif feehom lol.

ps: now that it's going to be so easy for you guys to notice me in public ...yawailkom etha ma salamtaw!

Um Manaf il Maleeqa!

2009-03-20T17:13:00.004+03:00

Say it... seriously.. I know you want to! UM MANAF MALEEEQA!

She disappears...she never tells us what's on her mind...she started a story o mu RATHYA she finishes it...

El 9ara7a? Ma astahalkom :( ...

- I've missed you guys wayed and I've missed this blog il maleeq ba3ad ili faj2a it grew on me and I feel lost without it, bes i've gotten this part-time job that works me like a full timer on after hours! (bes it's worth it so i'm not complaining)

- Actually I am complaining...because I don't know how to NOT complain ;p bes i'm allowed to right, because it's my blog right?

- Right?

- On another note i'm stressed out because I have this decision to make and I know it's going to hurt someone so i've been postponing doing it. Heeff, ili sha6er ib confrontations yedig 3alay o y7ili il moshkila PLEASE!

- Tawni sheft filim Passengers mal Anne Hathaway...lay6oofkom jad. Jaw-droppper!

- Eli imrakeb rumana ib sayarta o would like to volunteer for my "Clean Up Kuwait's Weather Plan" khal ygooli (basically we're gonna tie kuwait up to your cars..drag it through Saudi and make our way towards the Fiji islands...which is right next to Saudi 9a7?)

- Yes, I did fail Geography in high school ..

- Yala 3indi massage appointment in 20 mins fa I have to go..

ps: 7ag ili ga3d ya6liboon a continuation for my other story..adry 7agartkom wayed (lani..like we've already established, wa7da maleeqa!) and I PROMISE YOU ..elaila bakamelha...pinky swear!

:(

2009-03-12T23:27:00.005+03:00

My heart hurts..

and I miss someone ...

so I did something about it

and now it hurts even more.

20 Things About Dubai

2009-03-09T12:24:00.003+03:00

1. I loved it

2. Their roads never go straight, just in circles and loops

3. Their taxi drivers insist on driving at the fastest possible speed around these circles so that within the first 10 seconds of your ride you're nauseous

4. When I had the Truffle Pasta at the Armani Cafe I didn't like it that much, but now i'm really craving it.... so badly that I want to cry

5. I met a lovely woman outside the hotel and had a nice long conversation with her while we were waiting for a cab...then I found out she was a prostitute. (Point being, they have very educated and friendly prostitutes)

6. I started using the term "Cab it"

7. Indians and Paki's have taken over the nation...wainkom yal emaratiyeen matbaynoon !

8. When you look at the Atlantis Hotel from our hotel balcony (which is really far away) the Hotel looks magical!

9. I don't understand the Emaraty accent and the Emaraty's didn't understand mine!

10. Don't ever get into a Taxi with a driver called Lanny because he'll try to sell you off to men

11. The shopping was amazing

12. For those who were asking, the Circus we went to was called Alegria and it was really really nice...the main song for the circus which I think is called Alegria too (I'm going to look it up now) is one of the best songs I've ever heard

13. The weather was cold and windy when we were there which I hear is unusual? Madry...garadti lol .

14. All of Dubai is under construction....literally, all of it!

15. Abyy Truffle Pasta :(

16. A very scary thing happened on the second night there and I really thought we might not make it through it safely...but we did and so I learnt a very very very important lesson ;p

17. It's true when they say you don't really know your friends until you travel with them!

18. I slept a total of 4 hours in the approximate 48 that I was there ...

19. People thought I was drunk about 3 times during the entire stay ..my friend kept making me laugh hysterically then when I couldn't control myself she'd tell people I was drunk...which made me laugh even more and made me appear even more drunk!

20. You think fe majal they deliver the truffle pasta to Kuwait?

--
ps: I missed Kuwait the second I got off the plane in Dubai :(
pps: I'd go back there though ...
ppps: eli 3inda the chance to go to Cirque Du Soleil lay6ooofkom really..

2009-03-08T19:35:00.002+03:00

i'm back

I want to drop out of uni and join the circus

Aby I dye my hair loon waaaaaaaaaaaaayed fate7

Shetsawooon etha fe a7ad won't leave you alone even if you ignore him alf mara?

I'm in love with shaaaaaaay ;p

Ma3indi shay agooola just wanted you guys to know ina i'm baack ;p o walaht 3alaikom wayed o come pick up you stretchy pants whenever ur free

Drop it like its hooooottt...

2009-03-04T20:01:00.004+03:00

Okay so I was packing my bag tawa and I'm really sleepy/tired o bel qa9eb I finished and zipped everything up...

So then ekhty Alah Ysalem galb'ha came in to do a quick "check" to make sure ini ma nesait shay (by the way keep in mind this is my much younger sister) ..

El mohim she goes through my closets and starts staring at my pants one by one...then starts laying them out on the bed..

O Um Manaf et6ale3ha with this weird "what are you doing" look ..

Anyway a few minutes later she's piled up all my pants and dresses and looks at me with a confused expression and says:

"Um Manaf...all your pants are here what did you pack?!" ..

So I quickly unzip my bag and pull out top after top after 700th top...

Kela tops ..no pants!

...So dear readers..for those of you who will be in Dubai this weekend...I'll be the one walking around in my underwear!

--
ps: madry il title shako bel salfa...
pps: eli yabi yeth7ak yshoof hal link (just make sure you're alone lana baba and mama won't be too pleased haha)

Guess Whaaat ..

2009-03-01T17:55:00.004+03:00

Tadroon ina Um Manaf ba3ad 3 days betsafer?

Tadroon inkom 7aaail ra7 tolhoon 3alaiha? (For those who are considering suicide please don't I'll only be gone for 3 days! Unless I don't really like you..then please go right ahead with your plans..)

El mohim... Wain betroo7 Um Manaf?

DUBAAAAAIII

Laish betroo7??

3ashaan etshoof Cirque Du Soleil!

Sheno Cirque Du Soleil you ask?

Basically a bunch of men wearing stretchy pants and hanging onto chandeliers for dear life!

And yes, I love it!

La testaghriboon etha sheftaw wa7da raza wayeha bainhom o ga3da teshga7 min pole lai pole ;p

(Tara ana wayed im9adga ini graceful mithelhom...ana a9lan magdar agoom min il kersi bedoon la at3archab)

--

I love...love....lovekom ;*

Why Do Bloggers Blog?

2009-03-01T03:02:00.003+03:00

My friend turns to me and asks me "Um Manaf why do you blog?"

And it got me thinking for a long time..

Every single member of this alternate universe is here for a certain reason whether they know what it is or not. And these reasons in my opinion vary from the usual to the unusual and to the extremely personal. Had my friend asked me this question a month ago or even on the first day I started my blog my answer would have been "madry" .. but today I found myself with an answer. This answer, was one I could not tell her, since it was one I almost could not admit to myself.

Why did I know the answer today and not last month? Because today I got what I was looking for.

Now I wonder what else I can get by sticking around...

---
Fa dear readers my question to you is: What are you looking to get from your blogging experience? Or to be more specific, why did you feel the need to start your blog?

I think the only way to be truly honest with your answer is to comment under anonymous fa kel wa7d feekom take a few minutes or even days if you need (it took me months lol) and tell me why you're here.

ps: I know you want to know what my reason was and when there's a good amount of anonymous answers i'll slip mine in between them lol ;p

Let's Help Um Mit3ib

2009-02-24T18:47:00.002+03:00

Ya naas Um Mit3ib has an assignment o she needs help fa eshraykom insa3ed'ha?

Ee?

La2?

Actually i'm not giving you a choice haha LAZIM etsa3dooonha!

Here's what she needs (o mithel ma galat eli mayabi yaktib il answers bil comment section can email it to her at um.mit3ib@gmail.com)

----

Hatha Part One:P
1. which websites to u check daily (excluding your emails/ if its blogs, list the blogs u read daily)?
2. what type of online advertisements catch ur attention? (ana shakhseyan a7eb elda3ayat ily on the side of blogs... w 6ab3an fb groups amot 3alaihom ;p bs their not technically an ad)

Part Two:
1. which telecom company do u use (Zain, Viva, Wataniya)?
2. what are its pros and cons?
3. what would u like ur telecom company to advertise? (ana shakhseyan abe more ads 3an blackberry coz a7esa mathlom ;p)
4. do u believe ina a company shouldnt always advertise its services? ya3ne tiyeekom coca cola wetbareklikom bil 3eed... aw itgolikom ina life is beautiful, enjoy it ... bidon "ta3alaw shirbaw cola w pepsi man7ibhom"... inta its just creating a bond between u and the company? (ana a7eb el bonds:P awatheq 3ilaqaty 7ata ma3a el sharekat smela 3alay;p)

Part Three:
1. What types of ads attract ur attention? (video, still, flyer,, etc)
2. What category attracts u? ( comedy, drama? etc)

--

ps: mu etfashlooni jedamha o ma7ad yjaaweb ;p tara a3a9eb wakhali Um Mi3tib itsaker her blog
pps: Um mit3ib pretend you didn't read that...

What Happened to J ..

2009-02-24T00:36:00.002+03:00

So the other day J called me o galatli ina fe a7ad she's dreading seeing .. let's call him Mr. Mayesti7i ..

So J decided to make the best of the situation she was in and "dress to impress" 3ala ibo etkhaleeh yekrah 3eeshta when he sees her.

So she put on her nicest little skirt and did her hair and put on her lovely lovely make-up and smiled proudly at her reflection before heading out. She knew she'd have him at her feet before the night was through.

Let's fast forward towards the end when she does finally see Mr. Mayesti7i...

...There he is in front of her, chatting up some of her girl friends...he still hasn't spotted her and she waits patiently for him to look up. She can't wait to see his awed reaction when he finally spots her and her heart begins racing as he finally looks up and for a split second meets her eye.

He begins walking towards her and it's as if time stood still and his foot steps slowed almost to a stop...when he was finally inches away from her she let out a small gasp as a sharp pain went through her body.

No, the pain was not from her heart...it was from the heavy bag he was carrying as it smacked into her leg. And without even a word....Mr. Mayesti7i walked away.

--

ps. J was not amused.

Kharabeeeee6 ... ;p

2009-02-22T20:31:00.005+03:00

- 9arli cham yoom ashim ghbar, akel ghbar, atsaba7 beghbar... meta el jaw nawii yet3adal?

- tathkiroon lama 3ayabt 3al nerds gabel cham post?
Well Allah Almighty decided to teach me a lesson o ana 9ert el NERD elyoom! 3indi a class I love o kela dasha meshta6a o abee ybalish 3ala6ool o mabi el class to finish .. heefff...
(Note: 7ag eli ma3ay ib hal class...feel free to tefli3ooni ib akbar ma 3indikom. I'd do the same to you...)

- Elyoom sheft Shopaholic .. 7abait'ha el ba6ala.. bes ma testahal el ba6al. Lana ana astahla.

- Abii ghniya ydeeeda ahib feeha .. suggestions ? (yufathal ina leghniya matkhalee il wa7d yabi yenti7ir by drowning in a bathtub of ice water and jelly-fish....which is apparently il motha el yedeeda for suicide)

- o 3indi message to the lovely woman in the black Infiniti jaib that almost killed me today: No matter how much you'd like to believe it...el share3 mu share3 ibooch. wela yadich. wela a7ad min ili yabooch.

- Tadroon ini a7ebkom? each and every single one of you ;p ?

- Btw sheftaw 9oorat Rihanna 3igub il 6ag? Maskeeeeeeena ... (mawjooda here 7ag ili ma shafha...just scroll down til you find it)

Kel Mamnoo3 Marghoob ..

2009-02-19T01:23:00.006+03:00

Ee na3am ..we've all heard this before! We all want what we can't have..

Um Manaf should not do it ..
Um Manaf will get into a lot of trouble (on so many levels) for doing it...

Um Manaf might get hurt or hurt someone in the process ..

There's a huge chance that Um Manaf will regret this in the future...
There's an even bigger chance that the outcome will be disasterous ...

Nobody approves of what Um Manaf is about to do (believe her..she asked)...

A lot of people will be disappointed ..
And most importantly ...Um Manaf can't tell anyone about this..

......but min galikom etgoloonlaha she can't have it? Min galikom you use the "F" word jedamha?

Now that Um Manaf know's that what she's about to do is "FORBIDDEN" .. it's going to be all the more fun.

Now excuse me while I go do what I shouldn't...

--
ps: el shay wayed worth it eb rayey ;p

Tagged

2009-02-18T19:32:00.005+03:00

I've been tagged by SE7EN ..

The tag is a photo tag, and here are the rules:

(1) Find your fifth photo file folder and then the fifth photo in the file folder.
(2) Post the picture on your blog.
(3) Tag other five blogger to do the same.

Enzain my 5th folder is my random pics folder o hathy el 5th pic

Kent bashtireeli wa7d bes ba3dain ghayart rayey (lat9adgoon wayed ;p gelt 7ag iboy o tha7ak ib wayhi)

I tag the first 5 people who comment ;p
--

ps: I wanna slap the one on the left

9afii El Maleeq

2009-02-17T22:50:00.006+03:00

6ab3an with each semester lazim fe 9af maleeq. Hal class Alah ysalimkom has to do with graphics o design which is something I hate.... and to make it worse its a three hour class.

El mohim dashait o ga3adt o el prof started introducing the class o the topic (this was the first class) o waze3at il syllabus...o Um Manaf kel dgeegtain et6ali3 her mobile etshoof il wagt lana taby tamshiii

...just as the prof was wrapping up her short introduction gamat wa7da jidami werfa3at eed'ha ..
"Prof, before we leave can you give us a quick introduction to Mac because I don't know how to use it.."

eee hathy eli ibtin6ag after class.. (bes yala how long can this take?)

20 mins later..

She begins wrapping up the Mac "tour" o Um Manaf grabs her bag ready to bolt...wellaaaaa faj2a wa7da thanya terfa3 eed'ha..."excuse me miss, can you please go over the grading system and the course layout one more time..?"

laa mu min9ijich! Maashyy awareech ana ..

8 minutes later... (after she's done repeating the entire syllabus word by word)

Prof: "wow you guys really seem to be into this class..I was almost going to start the first chapter today but I figured since it was your first class you wouldn't feel like it.."

wellaa faj2a alf bint "yes yes please professor let's start the first chapter now.."

Alah ya5eth el 3aduu yali matesti7oooon ... !!!

The Gym Trainer From Hell

2009-02-16T15:23:00.004+03:00

With summer just around the corner Um Manaf qarerat etdoos 3ala nafs'ha o tanzil il final few o she gets into shape o tones her body o min hal kalam el 7elo ... fa eshtarkat ib gym o 7a6atlaha trainer.

So i'm at the gym o waiting yam el big weight training ajhiza 7ag el trainer and finally waray asma3 footsteps o wa7da etgool "Excuse me Um Manaf?"

Um Manaf turns around slowly....................and almost has a heart attack.

The woman mu bes im3athla mu bes hugeee (and i don't mean this as an insult)....

Um Manaf: umm yeah hii *smiles fearfully*

Trainer: Alright lets get down to business, you stretched right? Alright then get on that one over there and give me 25

Um Manaf: 25? qa9d'ha 2 to 5 9a7?? bes yala mu moshkilllaaaa ensawii 25...

25 reps later

Trainer: next one ..hurry up!

Um Manaf: ahh bedat etzif hathy..okay okay she's motivating me mu moshkila

75 reps later ...

Trainer: FASTER UM MANAF YOU GOT 8 MORE MACHINES AHEAD OF YOU ..WE DON'T HAVE ALL DAY...

Um Manaf: dear God Um Manaf asra3 asra3... do not anger the big heavy trainer :'(

after final machine....

I never knew that muscles could cry but yesterday mine wept like they were watching an Indian movie while pregnant!

(Um Manaf collapses on the floor after finishing)

Trainer: Alright take a 2 minute break then get up we're heading for the treadmill you're going to jog for 30 minutes

Um Manaf: (na3am? eshgalatli? china sabat ahali??) Umm yah sure...go wait for me near the machines i'm coming....

...chan an7ash.

---
ps: oww :(
pps: owwwwwwwwwwwww
ppps: the pain :'(

Guess Who's Back??

2009-02-14T20:23:00.007+03:00

Um Manaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaf!

Ha eshkither walahtaw 3alay??

It's soo good to be back.... ya rabii I realized ina no matter where I am i'm always dying to come back to lekwait... *Um Manaf starts humming wa6aaaanii 7abeeeeeeebiiiii ...*

Enzain khal asooliflikom 3an el safra shwaya.. el jaw fathee3, it rained (which I love ...) and...okay I'm sure SE7EN want's to know all about my professional skiing and Diablo wants to know if I stole his "signature snow rajal" and I want to know what Zaina did while she was there and M, H, L wants to know what car I drive, and Zuz wants to know why I didn't put her in my suitcase...so lots and lots of things to discuss!

SE7EN:

I went skiing and since it was my first time I hired an instructor. Awal shay, it took me 45 minutes to get the suit on (well 15 mins to get the suit on 30 mins to complain about how tight the shoes were and how my gloves didn't match my pants) ... ba3daaaain they gave me my skiis .. which were as tall as I was and weighed just as much as I did....ga6ait'hom 3al arth and I started DRAGGGGINNG them across the floor o il instructor almost had a heart attack because I was scratching the skiis fa shalhom 3ani *Um Manaf giggles evilly*

Then el akh started walking up the MOUNTAIN ili kelish min ygool REALLLYYY high and expected me to walk warah in the heavy skiis...

Okay I honestly tried my best but they were REALLY heavy and everytime I went a little up the mountain I kept sliding backwards all the way down :(

So in the end legaina an amazing solution...he would hold on to one end of his pole and I'd hold on to the other end and he would PULL me up the mountain :)

...and it worked...akheeran we got up the mountain and I skiieedd oh so gracefullyy back down (ba3dain I kept picking up speed and the guy FREAKED OUT because I didn't know how to stop o the only thing jedami was the skii lodge's wall and I was heading straight for it..) so he skiied waray 6ayer maskeen we9arekh egooli stop stop stoppppp

...6ab3an el ghabi ya3ni mayefham ina law i KNEW how to stop chan I did....akher shay gelt mako ela age6 nafsii so I fell ;p and stoppped.... (actually ROLLED until I stopped bes mabi agoolikom because fashla)

DIABLO:

Right after "dropping" myself into the snow I started building a snow man (casually chinnaa ma 9ar shay) bes the skii instructor kan wa9el 7ada mini o he was WAAAAAAAAAAYED 3a9abii (7asait yemkin fee 3erj kwaiti min kither ma zafniii) he forced me to get out of the snow and leave...fa magedart I steal your snow mann..

Zaina:

Did you go to Faraya? ;p

M, H, L:

I don't drive an SUV ;p or a Jeep, or a Wanait (as one person believes I do lol .. bes latloomoona, he only believes that because that's what I told him)

Zuz:

Alah ysalmich ana 7a6aitlich small space ib jan6iti between my PJ's and my dresses...bes ma kafaitay :( ... next time asafer asheel il PJ's to make more room for you...

-----

ps.. bacher lazim I start going to the gym again :( maaali khilg
pps ... what did you guys do while I was away?

Um Manaf Says Goodbye

2009-02-09T18:46:00.010+03:00

Ya nas I am leaving the blogging world and all the people in it.
Wala ma wedi bes el 9ara7a I must... And it's very hard to say goodbye
*Um Manaf chokes up and wipes a tear*

I've never been good with goodbyes tadroon.
I just clam up and go into denial. Would you like to go into denial with me?

Enzain enzain stop crying kelkom .. I'm only leaving for four days...!

Yes dear Bloggers, Um Manaf needs a breaaak and she is taking one! I will be whisked off to Lebnaan for some skiing and shopping and for a chance to think about our times together and the future to come ;p lol.

So I've decided to let you guys take over my blog for the next 96 hours...eshraykom? I've seen this being done in several other blogs and it looks fun so here are the rules:

1. you can ask me anything you want about me while I'm away (doesn't mean i'll answer all of them though, fa pick your questions carefully and don't be stupid and ask something like "entay min binta")

2. Tell me what you think I look like (and to those who know me, 7awlaw matesta3bi6oon o etjawboon with weird things...i know you want to)

3. You have to miss me wayed wayed waaaayed ...and you have to show me :(

--
ps..i'll miss you tara
pps...ra7 asawii nafs el 7araka eli bil 9oora..if you don't hear from me in 4 days, you'll know it didn't end well.

Greys Anatomy

2009-02-09T17:04:00.003+03:00

I don't like this show. Ya nas ma awa6na o I feel my SOUL wida yenti7ir lama the show is on. It's so emotionally draining o mako salfa o depressing o malyoon alf shay ba3ad. (Eli ytabi3 il show o mu shayef akher cham 7alqa layegra lana bakhareb 3alaikom)

1. Their LOOOONG NEVER ENDING CONVERSATIONS ili kelhom "hidden meanings" and "indirect messages". O kel il conversations are so SERIOUS do they ever just talk about NOTHING?! LAAAA lazim "do you believe in heaven...because I thought this was heaven..but I mean now .. Now I feel like i'm in hell.." ya3ni mako shay isma "ha shakhbarich shemsawya? wain re7tay?!" LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA mosta7eeeel! Lazim deep meaningful conversations la o ba3ad min kither ma el writers yaboon isawoon conversations gamaw iyeeboon nas FROM THE DEAD for the characters to converse with. I mean Denny? Seriously? Khli9aw el plot lines?

2. Kel hal efloos min il show o they couldn't hire a Speech Pathologist to teach Meredith how to say full sentences? "Ummm...ahh...I'm not sunshine..i'm uhh..a cloudy day..and uhh ..."
*Meredith looks left then right then walks away* ... 3ALJOOHA!

3. Callie? Hot? Na3am? Khair? wedi awadeeeha La Mode athabe6laha 7awajeb'ha eli imsabebeeenli marath ib 7ayati..then bagare3ha o bakhali her hair grow out NORMALLY lana the lawn mower that she used to trim it mayenfa3.

4. The Lesbian Twist: Shoofaw ya nas il writers qa9eb yaboon yeqni3oona ina Callie is hot ok? Fa sheno sawaw awal shay khalooha et7ib the cute poor guy (George) 3ashan enshoof'hom next to each other wengoool okh she's really hot compared to him. Ma nefa3. Gamaw sheno sawaw? Khalooha she hooks up wiya McSteamy in the hope that lama enshoof ina McSteamy mayraji3 when he PRETENDS to sleep with her then we might start to believe that she's actually hot. Shafaw ina ham hatha ma nefa3 gamaw galaw khal ensaweeha lesbian! O due to the high number of lesbian suicides after those shows aired gamaw shalaw il shagra il maleeqa. Writers, khala9 you've done more than enough. You can stop trying. We REFUSE to believe that she is hot.

----
* Denny il wa7eed ili hot bil show bes ma7eb his character kelish
* The songs they pick are good

Kharabeee6...

2009-02-07T14:37:00.004+03:00

- I hate confrontations! Heeffff.... wakhraw 3anii la7ad ewajehnii. I become cold and silent and I'll let you do all the talking and when your done I'll literally get up and walk away. EEEEEE ma abared chabdkom el 9ara7a ...

- Zayddaaa winter weight o min agoool rejeeem ashtihi akel il dinya... fa no. mako rejeem. mako. (sa3dooooooooooonnniiiiii) *Um Manaf hugs jedir balalee6 and runs to her bedroom*

- Sheft Yes Man ams...Jim Carrey meta 9ar etha7ek? The movie bayekhh bes I liked il fekraa...

- Basaferrr sooon (ra7 tolhoon 3alay 9a7??)

- Buga 7 days lain en3aref if i'm going to get the thing ili bamoot etha ma 7a9alta ....eli bes ga3da lail o nahar afaker feeeh .... eli gaaaaaalbi metga6e3 3alaih ya waaail galbyy waaaailah

- El jaw khayali wel bar7a el fayer it rained. I love rain, ma3indi mani3 6ool el sina mu6ar! O a7eb anam 3ala the sound of thunderstorms...

- Meshtahya akawed aflaam etbachy wajabelhom elaila...any suggestions?? (when I say etbachii i mean Romantic o please mabi ashya2 tafha....abii ANHAAAAAAAAAAR)

White

2009-02-07T00:46:00.003+03:00

Her face glows as she enjoys every second of the day she's dreamed of for years. Her hand shakes with excitement as she replies to a message she just received on her mobile..the smile on her face widens and she blushes as the women around her notice.

One of the women has tears in her eyes and she turns away to wipe them as a camera-woman zooms in for a closeup.

In a society where to love means to be forbidden from one another, she will soon stop suffering. Before the night ends she will freely join him and can spend every second she desires beside him.

Time flies and before she's ready her sisters and friends crowd around her fitting her into a dress so beautiful one cannot be but moved by it. Her smile grows even bigger as she claims that she's nervous. After a few photographs that will she will undoubtedly flip through for generations to come, she begins her way downstairs to a hall filled with friends and family. The echo of loud music can be heard as she gets closer but it is nothing compared to the beating of her heart.

And so it starts, she knows that the few hours from now until she's with her loved one are short, as she takes a deep breath the mahogany doors slide open and she enters with hundreds of eyes gazing at her and her alone.

Is there anything more beautiful than a bride on her wedding day?

--

Elyoom was one of a dear friends' wedding o just the look on her face made my whole week! Enshallah soon I'll have that same look on my face o all of you can help me get ready for my wedding.

- Um Mi3tib, I really hope your "new bloggers = newly engaged" theory really works! Or else beta7amalain e9yaaa7ii...

Um Manaf's Massage

2009-02-06T04:22:00.006+03:00

Getlikom 3an salfiti el bar7a??

Around 2 am, as usual, I made my way to my bed to lay down but when I did 7ashni the most unbelievable amount of pain you can imagine in my spine! Ga6ait el makhada, nemt 3ala ba6niiii, nemt 3ala my side, and eventually I just stood up straight!

.. I don't know how long I stayed standing (because I was trying to think of a solution) but I guess I passed out eventually and fell back onto my bed.

El mohim I woke up today and hurried my behind to Spa Time for a massage...when they asked me what my "special requests were" I practically threw myself into the woman's arms and began crying "make it betterrrrr...make it betteer"

People...she did make it better. But first she had to make it worse...much much worse. Her thumb went into my back and came out 9oob my stomach but she managed to untangle allllll the knots in my back (which were a lot).

She then offered to crack my neck which was the scariest thing ever, because being a huge fan of Jackie Chan movies, I've come to understand that this is the easiest and smoothest way to end a life and Um Manaf still has a lot of life to live people :( ...

So anyway, I'm in bed now, and my back feels great...my neck however still makes cracking noises. I'm wondering if its possible for my neck to snap itself to death?

Allah yaster...STUPID CHINESE MARTIAL ARTS-STYLE MASSAGE IS GOING TO KILL ME!

Yala ya a7la blog readers in the blogging world, it's bed time for Um Manaf...

ps...ga3doooni 7ag el ghada

Manifestation

2009-02-04T23:54:00.004+03:00

As an avid reader at one point last year I joined in on the "The Secret" hype. I bought the book and the DVD and started talking non-stop about it. When I first came across the idea I thought it was original since I've never heard of it before bes ma3a el wagt as I did some research about the theory I realized ina it's true, the idea has been around for CENTURIES and there are hundreds of books discussing the idea of Manifestation.

Adry ina to some people the idea of "just thinking" about something makes it possible is khwara and that whatever you ask for that DOES come true comes from your hard work or from coincidence bes in my personal experience the more I became aware of the theory the more I began implementing it into my life and the more things started happening for me.

Law basawii a list of all the things I've asked for and how many of them have come true yemkin agdar agool in all honesty atleast 80% of them have happened. And I don't mean vague things like "aby ath3af" or "aby anja7" .. which can happen without asking for them, bes I mean really specific things like "I want S0-and-S0 to text me and tell me this-and-this" .. which at the time was something NEAR impossible, and it happened..within 24 hours.

Fa I go back and forth from being a believer to a non-believer, kel ma baghait shay leja2tla o kel ma 7asait ini mara7 a7a9el il shay agool 3ana kharabee6 o 7achy fathy. El mohim the whole point of the Secret is to ask for the impossible, or atleast something big and seemingly unreachable, which I don't do (a6lib ashya2 tafha o sakheefa o dayman 3al mazaj) fa hal mara I'm going to put it to the REAL TEST. Ba6lib aqwa shay I can think of, and it's RIDICULOUS ;p
And it also states that you have to set a deadline so ba36i "the universe" a week and a half bel thab6!

O for this week and a half ba9adeg kel 7arf egooloona o bamshi 3ala all the rules...
Because seriously...eshwaray? lol

----
p.s. are you a manifestation believer?
p.p.s sheno aqwa shay you were able to manifest into your life? (answer anonymous etha ma wedkom a7ad e3aref)
p.p.p.s mara7 agoolikom what I want, bes you can guess ..

The Much-Awaited THINGS TO DO BEFORE MARRIAGE List

2009-02-02T22:46:00.008+03:00

Na6artkom wayed? la2? akeed? Zain ashwa.. (adry ni9kom wedkom etsibooni lol) Based on your suggestions bagasem el list into three sections: Things I Need to Do, Things I've Done, and Things I'll Never Do..

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THINGS I NEED TO DO:

Go to a football match (btw..ana no3i ashaje3 el team with the nicer jersey color…fa GO ASPARAGUS-GREEN WITH THE STRIPS OF BURGUNDY!! NABII GOAL!)

Date an Italian guy + Date a Brazilian guy (wala shakli 3igub ma asawii hal ashya2 mara7 ankhi6ib...)

Find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with (china hathy mohima shway??)

THINGS I'VE DONE:

Travel on an ALL-GIRLS trip...guy peed on the wall we were taking a pic next to, inches away from my shoes...got kicked out of a restaurant, got kicked out of another restaurant, missed my flight ended up at the airport for 5 hours...spent another 4 hours because the other plane was delayed. But all in all it was a memorable trip!

Sleepovers (ayam lama el kil haab ib sleeping bags o khathainahom weyana kel mukan lol)

Do some volunteer work (okay re7t esboo3 ba3dain wagaft…I still volunteer at home (to get the remote or a bottle of water bes hatha 7adii))

Race cars with friends (looking back at it now .. a7es ini ghabiya. Don’t do it…you might regret it.)

Got a spray tan (the nickname “orange chicken butt” comes to mind … I still have nightmares ..o akrahkom!)

Crush bu-yoom, bu-esboo3, o bu-ni9 sa3a…done done o done!

Ride an elephant (don’t ask..)

THINGS I'LL NEVER DO:

Dye my hair a weird color (sorry Coookies I don’t even paint my nails a weird color..)

Azif someone for no reason (ya Stitch… 7athy reddii 3adi azef wa7da o te6la3 black belt in Karate o kelish ma teswa 3alay…me bruise easy…)

Brush my teeth 20 times…wara ba3ath? (why would I do that Diablo…why?? .. Oh wait..chini fahamt qa9dik...)

ps: I just thought that everyone should know that I almost ran over a Duck today. Thank you and goodnight.

Your Suggestions

2009-02-02T20:00:00.003+03:00

Adry 9arli cham yoom I didn't post anything bes taboon el 9ij ma3indi shay agoola ..

Fa....you suggest things for me to write!

Mathalan:

- Ay shay taboon et3arfoona
- shay u want me to write my opinion on ;p (i'm veryyyy opinionated tara)
- ay shay taboon clarified from previous posts

the floor is all urs, 9eeraw creative cuz 7aliyan I'm not!

---
3indikom lay midnight..then banagi one of ur suggestions o ra7 aktib 3ana ;p

Shebi6 Chabdich Ya Um Manaf??

2009-01-30T20:57:00.004+03:00

Ana wa7da WAYED hadya... ya3ni awal impression, o thany impression of me usually shocks people lana 3igub ma y3arfooni 3adil e9eer feeehom "UBAAY AWAL MARA SHEFTICH MA 7ASAIT INICH CHITHEE!" ...

Fa elyoom yatni wa7da yemkin g3adat ma3ay 4 times fa hatha khal ensameeh her "fourth impression" o g3adat eta7al6am 7ag taqreeban ni9 sa3a 3an shaghla o lama khali9at she turned to me o galat "Um Manaf az3ajtich 9a7? Adry wayed at7al6am...a7es no3ich mata6fireen 7adich hadya..."

Al7ean 3ala eedi il yemeen o 3ala eedi il yesar 2 girls e3arfooni min esneeen ... ef9alaw thi7ik

Girl 3al yemeen: KAAAAAAK um manaf ma eta7al6am??

Girl 3al yesar: hathyyyyy hadya??

Girl 3al yemeen: shoffaaay lama etgooleen 3an Um Manaf hadya chinich ga3da etgoleen nikta

Girl 3al yesar: ee chinich ga3da etgooleen inha testi7i o khajoola o thakeya o matzef o .... (basically 6abat bakhlaaq ahalii eli yabooni..)

Fa hathee maskeena 3yoonha 9araw @@ ... "9ij Um Manaf? shlon?? Ya3ni shili enarfizich?"

Khal agoolikom ...

1. people who drive. all of them. ma7ad ib hal deera i3aref esooog 3adil. i'm sure kel wa7d/wa7da feekom that are reading this 9adaftkom bil share3 o momkin fe yoom min il ayam da3ait 3alaikom bil ghala6 fa eli eeda e7targat aw ili rasa dash bil sikan....i might be the one to blame. (..and I will NOT pay for damages by the way...)

2.eli isoolfoon bil cainima. LAAA ya3ni law sema7tay ili ga3da jedami ili ga3da etsoolfeen 7ag ili yamich 3an el hosha eli 9arat bainich o bain Saro yom il yem3a ib bait yaditich gabel il ghada....NE6REEENI aroo7 agoolihom isawoon PAUSE 3al filim 3ashan negdar enrakez ma3ach lana tadreen ana daf3a 3KD o met3anya 6aga darb min baitna 3ashan a3aref esh9ar bainich o bain sara el maleeeqa eli ma3rifat ishlon etrid 3alaich wetsaktich!

3. Eli maya6liboon akel ib ma63am o yakloon min 9a7nich. NA3AAAM?! KHAAIR OMY?! Fe a7ad galich tegdireen takleen akli? Fe a7ad galich tefathalay o meday eedich 3ala ni9 my sandwhich? 6ab3an 7azat'ha ma agool shay bes 3yoooni ewa9loon il message o akthar ...

4. Eli etdig wetdazez msgat lai yoom edeen o matwagef 7atan law ta7gireenha.
"9aba7 el khair" .. <-- la mu khair wakhray eshtabeen (Um Manaf ignores)
ba3ad ni9 sa3a ..."ha esh3indich elyoom" <--- chini rada 3alaiha o ga3da etkamel il conversation. MALICH SHIGHEL ESH3INDI ELYOOM
ba3ad 3 hours ... "emnawer il khaleej" <--- 7AAADICH STAAAALKER (Um Manaf swerves into the nearest exit and leaves el khaleej)
ba3ad 4 more hours .. "Um Manooooooooooof :(" <---- MU 3YOON UM MANOOOF YAL 7ANAAA
12 belaail ..."gooodnight......" <--- tekfoon sharid 3alaiha?!
bacher el 9ib7 ... "halaw...7adi meshtahya cainima ..khal enroo7.." <---- khal nestiree7 a7san ana agool :)

5. Guys eli yet7arashoon. Okay adry fee minhom yaboon yet3arafoon or whatever ..bes ili yay bethabi6 wa7da o sayarta matroosa shabab! Ya3ni inta shino il message ili ga3d etwa9la 7ag il bint (el bint ihya ana ib hal example...) lama etyey etsafe6'ha weya ni9 shabab el kwait .. ?! Inik tabeeha? Inik nawee etizawaj'ha? Etha ibtil3ab 3alaiha, law sema7t do it in a smarter way! Wa9el rab3ik agrab Mcdonalds o nazel'hom...then kamel weyaha! iiiffffff....

tara el lista wayed a6wal min chihtee bes etha baktib kelshay lazim asawii blog yedeeed bes 7ag hal mawthooooo3!

ps: shoofaw "Slumdog Millionaire"

Kharboo6a kharboo6a ..

2009-01-27T19:37:00.007+03:00

Mali khilg i organize likom post lah ma3na o salfa fa bakharbi6 shwaya ..

1. et9adgoon eli ketabt 3anha two posts ago, ili mat7eb um manaf...lail7ean ma estaw3ibat ina il post 3anha! Ga3adt ma3aha elyoom o ma yabat 6aryyy..

2. ana MET2AKDA ina wa9elni some kind of award min one of you lovely lovely readers bes o raby ma athker mino o mani gadra alga il comment :( .. thakroooni ..

3. khadamatna imsawyatli chay o shakelha tabee teshriba...kel shwaya itmor jedami wetgooli "um manaf the tea become cold.." (ya3ni um manaf sherbeeh lani 7a6a 3aini 3alaih..)

4. Lazim i take a shower lana bacher 3indi full day min il 9ib7 bakoon 6al3a .. tabooni agoolikom sh3indi?? enzain enzain lat7inooon...el 9ara7a mu shighelkom what i do, bes fine if you're going to cry about it... ma3zooma 3ala breakfast mukan ekhaari3 ma wedi agoool isma lana atwaqa3 ana o shiliti binkoon the only ones there (unless fe other people crazy enough to go...), then meshwar saree3 ..ba3dain study group lani khosh wa7da o yhimni mustaqbili (6aal bes okay 7awlaw et9adgoon) o ba3dain bakhali9 my final then 3indi dinner plans weya wa7daa etyaaaaaaaaaaaanin (e7em e7em shrayech feeeni flana wana amade7 feech?)

5. ga3d ashrab my tea...lail7ean 7ar...laish etchatheb il khadama?

6. imfakra a7er'ha waket il chay jedamha...

7. ubay that's very cruel of me lol .. tara im not cruel...it was in the heat of the moment and i'm over it now *Um Manaf holds tea close to her chest and smiles innocently at khadama*

8. Elyoom sheft bra size "F" .. i still giggle when i see Double D...I can't believe i'm just finding out about the "F"..imagine all the laugh's that i've missed out on :( ... *um manaf starts giggling as she remembers the bra* ...

9. ma nesait il "list of things to do before you get married" bes 3a6ooni some time etha ma la7athtaw my schedule is filled with nothingness ;p

10. El chay barad ..

Once Upon a Time ...

2009-01-25T12:07:00.002+03:00

Kan fe diktooor bil jam3a ...

chan....yen6aag 6aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag!

O lail7ean mayadroon mino (weli goolihom ina it was me yawaila fahmeen!)

Sorry bakhtifi for a few days...not only because I need to go into hiding..bes also because I have exams.

a7ebkom wayed wayed wayed
o ed3oooooli tekfooon

ps: eli y3aref mu7ami ygooli ;p

.....?

2009-01-23T15:30:00.002+03:00

Met7ajba o metnaqba ...

o kashfaa el Mercedes ...

RAYKOM?

"Et3arfeen Um Manaf?"

2009-01-22T19:45:00.007+03:00

Um Manaf etsani3 sha3arha as she gets ready to go out for lunch with a good friend of hers..
Taaj a7mar? la taaaj abyath...la la aswad?
Ballerina slippers? La Uggs...la el black boots?

O after a few more life altering decisions Um Manaf is out the door and on her way to XxXxX Cafe/Coffee-shop/Restaurant (nagaw whichever suits you)

An hour into our lunch khala9na all topics ranging from final projects to global warming... wela faj2a ...

*LOOONGG GASP* UBAAAY ENTAY TEGRAIN BLOGS 9A7? TEGRAIN UM MANAF'S BLOG?

ehnee dear readers 6ab3an ana eshta6aait..."ee a3aref her blog..." wana lebtisama shaga el wayh o emzahba roo7i 7ag el compliments o ga3d atkhayal wayeha lama agoolaha ina ana Um Manaf o atkhayal dmoo3ha min il far7a wel wanasa lanha it3arefni ..

"Ee..agoolich .. hathy Um Manaf......ib thimitich...el 9ara7a.....................MU MALEEQA? MATBI6 CHABDICH?! GE6EEE3A ETQITHNIIII WEDI A3AREF MINO IHYA HAL SAKHEEFA!"

khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair omyyyy?
eshgiltaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy??

"9ij?" (ehnee wedi anzel ankhash ta7t el 6awla)

"eee la o qe9at'ha ... tekfaaain aby amlaaq! aby a7thef'ha eb shay wala!"

(laa mu kafi anzil ta7t el 6awla.... el salfaa yabeelha shovel to bury myself ta7t el arth ba3ad)

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O latgooloonli ma3alaich minha lani mu met'thayga o adry ina kel wa7d la raya o not everyone is going to like my blog .. bes el mawqef kan 3ajeeeeeeeeb ;p

Alexander Supertramp

2009-01-21T16:00:00.000+03:00

You're probably reading this post through a laptop or a computer screen, a mobile phone cannot be more than 2 meters away from you right now, and there's a television on in the background. Sound pretty accurate so far? There's some cash in your wallet, and if not, there's an ATM card in there with an ATM machine not more than 10 minutes away. Your car, or a car, is parked outside your house not more than twenty short strides away from your front door. The things mentioned above are pretty much all you need to survive today, to eat, to communicate with others, to be entertained...

Now turn off your phone and put it away, turn off your laptop, throw your keys out of the window and rip the money in your wallet. Walk out of your house and just for fun run your hand on top of your car one last time....you won't be riding it ever again.

Start walking.

Walk for two years, don't stay in one place for too long. Don't make any binding ties with anyone, don't make any promises or commitments...you won't be around to fulfill them.

When you reach the river swim across it...when the mountains tower over you hiding the rest of your path...climb over them...when you see the animals around you running wild...run alongside them.

When it gets unbearably cold do not wonder whether your parents are worried about you...when it gets lonely do not think about your friends and how much you'd like to see them. When you get hungry forget your brothers and sisters and how you never said goodbye.

Keep walking.

When your mind is so powerful your body must pay its price for being weaker, and as you get sicker and sicker...do not for one second regret what you have done. As you lie alone and unwell do not think of the comfort the rest of the world is living in. Your mind has lived too much for this lifetime and now your age must pay for it.

Now tell me... what is it like to die cold and alone?

Driving 3al Khaleej: A Male Guide

2009-01-19T23:21:00.004+03:00

I dedicate this post to all the guys who drive 3al khaleej.

The “She’s Not Into You” Manual

Dear Kuwaiti (or Khaleeji visiting Kuwait) guy, have you ever found yourselves in the presence of a beautiful girl in the car next to you? Do you often find yourselves getting mixed signals from her? Are you sometimes confused as to whether she wants you or not? Well this manual is here to clear up any confusion you might have!

Here are the “sure-fire” signs that indicate when a girl is not into you:

1. She doesn’t look at you. At all. Not even once. Not even a hint of a glance in your direction. Please do not hallucinate that she is looking at you and making “come hither” signs with her lips and eyes. She is not. Please do not assume that by ignoring you she is playing hard to get. I repeat, SHE IS NOT.

2. When she speeds up. She is not initiating a race between you and herself; instead she is breaking the law and risking her life to get as far away as possible from you. Do not drive faster and follow her, as it will only make her accelerate. If she ends up crashing into another car, flipping over, rolling into the other lane, getting hit by three more passing cars, and then finds herself stuck in a burning vehicle, trust me it will be worth it, because that means she has finally gotten away from you.

3. She begins to cry. These are not tears of joy; they are either tears of fear or disgust. At this point it is best to avoid her. Don't even attempt to apologize. Just drive off and the faster the better.

4. She begins dialing while staring at you menacingly; this usually happens after you have trailed her for a minimum of 45 minutes and she has finally entered her residential area. She is now either dialing her father’s number or her older brother, in both cases, you are in trouble. She is now praying that her sibling/parent will instill so much pain into your body that you cannot walk for a year; this is a sure sign that she is not looking for a serious relationship.

5. She presents her middle finger. This is not an act of love or a flirtatious signal; do not interpret it as one.

Now that you have a clear idea of when a girl is not into you, please keep an open eye for the signs and don’t waste your time on any girl that is presenting them. If you look close enough, maybe just maybe you will find that one girl who WILL give you a “thumbs up signal” in which you are welcome to follow her and park at either the “Ba6reek” parking lot or the back side of the “chilies parking lot” and provide her with one of your several phone numbers.

And remember gentlemen, you too deserve love. Just not from people who have a life.

On Um Manaf's Way to Jam3a

2009-01-12T18:55:00.002+03:00

The radio plays softly as Um Manaf switches from station to station looking for a good song; the weather is nice and warm and Um Manaf makes the best of it by rolling down all her windows.

It's a two lane road and Um Manaf contemplates turning left as a gold Lexus Jeep flashes its headlights at her from behind. He is inches...no centimeters away from her car and is in too much of a hurry.

"Ya3ni wain betroo7 el shari3 wagef" Um Manaf mutters finally pulling out of the way and letting the jeep continue in its way.

Seconds later the jeep finds itself behind yet another car and Um Manaf notices his headlights blaring at the other car once again.

"ghabi" Um Manaf mutters finally choosing a radio station and leaning back.

The Lexus jeep finally gets past the next two cars and in an attempt to take advantage of what little empty road he sees ahead increases his speed way over the 80 KM speed limit.

In his stupid attempt to continue at the high speed he's driving at he pulls a hard right to avoid the car in front of him, only to cut off another car in the same lane. The small black Toyota swerves right to avoid being hit by the Lexus and flies over the sidewalk and into the wall at a speed of no less than 80 KM.

Um Manaf, unable to stop with all the traffic, gets a glimpse of the car folding in half as it collides with the wall.

Gold Lexus Jeep is out of sight before anyone can think of taking its plate number.